For every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong. —H.L. Mencken
For every complex problem, there exists a solution that has both real and imaginary parts. —unknown
For every problem... What, me worry? —Alfred E. Newman

POLITICAL ECONOMICS:

 
 Christian Democrat:
 You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your
  neighbor.

 Socialist (or a Canadian New Democrat):
 You have two cows. The government takes one and gives
  it to your neighbor. 

 Republican (or a Canadian Conservative):
 You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? 

 Democrat (or a Canadian Liberal):
 You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty
  for being successful. You vote people into office who tax
  your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay
  the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money
  and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel
  righteous. 

 Communist:
 You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides
  you with milk. 

 Fascist:
 You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells
  you the milk. You join the underground and start a
  campaign of sabotage. 

 Democracy, American Style:
 You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point
  you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign
  country who has only one cow, which was a gift from
  your government. 

 Capitalism, American Style:
 You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a
  herd of cows. 

 Bureaucracy, American Style:
 You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots
  one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours
  the milk down the drain. 

 American Corporation:
 You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to
  produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
  the cow drops dead. 

 French Corporation:
 You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want 3 cows. 
 
 Japanese Corporation:
 You have two cows. You redesign them so they are 1/10th the
  size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

 German Corporation:
 You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100
  years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. 

 Italian Corporation:
  You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You
  break for lunch. 

 Russian Corporation:
 You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five
  cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
  count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop coun-
  ting cows and open another bottle of vodka. 

 Mexican Corporation:
 You have two cows. You hire a peasant to herd them; you hire
  two armed guards to protect them from Zapatistas; you bribe
  the local PRI office for a herding permit; you move to Miami.

 Swiss Corporation:
 You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge
  for storing them for others. 

 Brazilian Corporation:
 You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an
  American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the
  American corporation declares bankruptcy. 

 Indian Corporation:
 You have two cows. You worship them. 

IDEOLOGICAL ECONOMICS:

 SOCIALISM
 You have two cows. The government nationalizes both cows
  but still allows you to sell milk.
  
 COMMUNISM
 You have two cows. The government takes both and gives
  you spoiled milk.
  
 FASCISM
 You have two cows. The government takes one away and
  presses it into military service.
  
 NAZISM
 You have two cows. The government takes one away and
  shoots it for having a large nose and dark spots.
  
 TRIBALISM
 You have two cows. Your neighbors take both cows and shoot you.
  
 REDISTRIBUTIONISM
 You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow.
  The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more
  than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.
  
 WELFAREISM (REDISTRIBUTIONISM REVISITED)
 You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone
  else who doesn't know how to milk it.
  
 BUREAUCRACY
 You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while
  moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico and forgets to milk the other.
  
 LIBERTARIANISM
 You have two cows. You let them do what they want.
 
 CAPITALISM
 You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
  
 REAGANOMICS 
 You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull. You take out a
  huge loan on the cow, and ignore both the cow and the loan
  from that point on. Then, you try to milk the bull and
  blame the Japanese for its lack of production.
  
 CONSERVATISM
 You have two cows. They pray in school every day.
  
 LIBERALISM
 You have two cows. You don't worry that they sleep together.
  
 PROTECTIONISM
 You have two cows. You can't buy a bull from another country.
  
 PEROTISM
 You have two cows. You aren't allowed to sell the milk to
  Mexicans.

 ANARCHY
 You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price
  or your neighbors kill you and take the cows.

 ENVIRONMENTALISM
 You have two cows. You are banned from milking or killing them.

MORONIC ECONOMICS:

 
 DEMOCRAT
 You have two cows.
 Your neighbor has none.
 You know life is not fair.

 REPUBLICAN
 You have two cows.
 Your neighbor has none.
 So?

 SOCIALIST
 You have two cows.
 The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
 You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
 Life goes on.

 COMMUNIST
 You have two cows.
 The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
 You wait in line for hours to get it.
 It is expensive and sour.
 Life sucks.
 
 LENINIST
 You have two cows.
 You are shot as a counter-revolutionary.
 The cows are also shot as counter-revolutionaries
 The Proletariat gets the milk, but refuses to drink such
  petit bourgeois liquids.

 CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
 You have two cows.
 You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
 You get fat.

 BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
 You have two cows.
 Under the new farm program the government pays you to
  shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk
  down the drain.

 BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE (2)
 You have two cows.
 The government takes them for back farm taxes due and
 gives one to your neighbor, the mink rancher, to sub-
 sidize his dairy operation
 The government milks the other one, pours the milk down
  the drain, gives you chickens to subsidize your farming
  operation and makes you fill out forms in triplicate to
  account for the missing milk and three missing cows. 

 BIG BROTHER / 1984ism
 You have two cows
 The government takes them both and puts you in an insane
  asylum for telling people that milk exists.
 You love the government. 

 CANADIAN CAPITALISM
 You have two cows. 
 You can't milk them because you must receive approval from
  the Cow Regulatory Board of Canada.
 Meanwhile, the government demands you reduce your cows'
  greenhouse gas emission in order to meet Kyoto targets.
 You ship the cows to America, give up, and vote for the
  Liberals again.

 CANADIAN CAPITALISM (2)
 You have 200 cows (2 cows American).
 But their quality of life is good.

 AMERICAN CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
 You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO
  on the 2nd one.
 You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
 You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
 You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
  have downsized and are reducing expenses.
 Your stock goes up.

 BRITISH CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
 Both are mad. 
 Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

 FRENCH CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
 You go on strike because you want three cows.
 You go to lunch and drink wine. 
 Life is good.

 JAPANESE CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
 You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
  ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
 They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
 Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
 You create a cartoon image called Kowkimon and market it
  around the world but some viewers have epileptic seizures.

 JAPANESE CORPORATION (2)
 You have two cows.
 You give the milk to gangsters so they don't ask any
  awkward questions about who you're giving the milk to.
 You drink something stronger than milk.

 GERMAN CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
 You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
  beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred
  miles an hour.
 Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
  per year.

 ITALIAN CORPORATION
 You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
 While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
 You break for lunch.
 Life is good.

 RUSSIAN CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
 You have some vodka.
 You count them and learn you have five cows.
 You have some more vodka.
 You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
 The Russian Mafia shows up and takes over however many
  cows you really have.
 If you are drunk enough, they don't shoot you.

 TALIBAN CORPORATION
 You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
 You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
  creature' private parts.
 You shoot the cows because they are Hindu religious symbols.

 IRAQI CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
 They go into hiding.
 They send radio tapes of their mooing.
 To learn their location, US troops interrogate you while
  nude and blindfolded, forcing you to urinate in public.

 POLISH CORPORATION
 You have two bulls.
 Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting
  to milk them.

 BELGIAN CORPORATION
 You have one cow.
 The cow is schizophrenic.
 Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's
  Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
 The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
 The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
 The cow dies happy.

 HINDU CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
 You worship them. 

 CHINESE CORPORATION
 You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
 You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
  and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. 

 SINGAPORE CAPITALISM
 You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping
  two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment. 

 HONG KONG CAPITALISM
 You have two cows. 
 You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company,
  using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
  the bank, then execute an debt/equity swap with associated
  general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a
  tax deduction for keeping five cows. 
 The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
  intermediary to a Cayman Isands company secretly owned by
  the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven
  cows' milk back to the listed company. 
 The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
  option on one more. 
 Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad. 

 ISRAELI CORPORATION
 There are these two Jewish cows, right?
 They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then
  sell the movie rights.
 They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
 So, who needs people?

 ARKANSAS CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
 That one on the left is kinda cute. 

 FLORIDA CORPORATION
 You have a black cow and a brown cow.
 Everyone votes for the best looking one.
 Some of the people who actually like the brown one
  best accidentally vote for the black one.
 Some people vote for both.
 Some people vote for neither.
 Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
 Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
  which one you think is the best-looking cow.

 CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
 You have a cow and a bull. 
 The bull is depressed. 
 It has spent its life living a lie. 
 It goes away for two weeks. 
 It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. 
 You now have two cows. 
 One makes milk; the other doesn't. 
 You try to sell the transgender cow. 
 Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. 
 You lose in court. 
 You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. 
 You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. 
 You change your business to beef. 
 PETA pickets your farm. 
 Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. 
 Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help
  "working cows". 
 Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7
  of your farm "for the children". 
 Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. 
 The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you
  groped their teats. 
 You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. 
 The cow starves to death. 
 The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is
  Bush's fault. 

 CALIFORNIA CORPORATION (2)
 You have millions of cows.
 They make real California cheese.
 Only five speak English.
 Most are illegals.
 Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Explaining the Enron fiasco in dairy herd terms:

 Feudalism
 You have two cows.
 Your lord takes some of the milk.

 Fascism
 You have two cows.
 The government takes both, hires you to take care
  of them and sells you the milk.

 Communism
 You have two cows.
 You must take care of them, but the government
  takes all the milk.

 Capitalism
 You have two cows.
 You sell one and buy a bull.
 Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
 You sell them and retire on the income.

 Enron
 You have two cows.