Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. —WarMunkey
Everything I Know About DIVINE RETRIBUTION, I Learned From The Voices In My Head
The voices in my head tell me so much, everything I need to know. I've written a song about my voices. Now I'll reveal some of what they warn me about, about our inevitable doom. Pay attention.
- My voices say that one or more deities are our to get me and you and us and them and everyone, to punish us all for what we've done. How can I doubt my voices?
- My voices say that most deities have their own styles and scales of retribution, ranging from just annoying to downright awful. How can I doubt my voices?
- My voices say that some deities don't really care whether their retribution is proportionate to our misdeeds and failures, or not. How can you doubt my voices?
- My voices say that we can never know just when retribution is being dealt out, whether our pain is intended or accidental or random. How can you doubt my voices?
- My voices say that some people get away with all sortsa shit because one or more deities don't notice or don't care or don't bother. And who can doubt my voices?
- My voices say that some people can't get away with anything because one or more deities have a real hard-on for them, who knows why. And who can doubt my voices?
My voices told me other stuff about divine retribution, but you really don't want to hear about it. Trust me.
But why only trust my voices? Try your own. Of course, they may be indistinct. You should always record the voices in your head so that you have a clear transcript of their instructions, warnings, soothes, whatever.
In Brief: DOG Said It, EYE Believe It, And THAT Settles It
"Then there was the dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in Dog." —anon.
SOMETIMES ONE OR MORE DEITIES SPEAK TO US WITH ONE OR MORE STRONG CLEAR VOICES. THERE IS NO QUESTION, NOT ARGUMENT, NO DISSENT POSSIBLE. THE WORD IS GIVEN AND THAT IS IT. NO MATTER HOW DYSLEXIC WE OR THE DEITIES ARE OR WHATEVER, THAT'S FINAL. DISBELIEVERS ARE DOOMED. NO LOSS. WOOF WOOF.
BUT THE COROLLARY IS: He's YOUR God, They're YOUR Rules, YOU Go To Hell! Bother.
A problem may present itself: APPARENT CONTRADICTION. Let's say that you and your friends hang out together, worship together, study holy writings together, receive the same holy WORD. But somehow or other, one or more of your friends just doesn't GET IT the RIGHT way, the way YOU get it. Either they find apparent contradictions in THE WORD, or they find different (WRONG) ways to interpret THE WORD.
Are there real contradictions here?
Of COURSE not. YOU are right, THEY are wrong. In fact, THEY have probably been misled by SATANIC FORCES. Bother. Well, they're your friends, so you'll have to pray for'em, and lead'em away from SATAN, and maybe even exorcise the demons that have infested'em. That's a lot of work, but hey, they're your friends.
Now, consider that ALL people are your brothers and sisters. You owe it to them to make sure that they don't live in error and die damned. You need to lead EVERYBODY away from SATAN, no matter what it takes. That's quite an investment of time and effort, but hey, they're your brothers and sisters!
You're obligated to spread THE WORD to everybody on Earth, to make them change the ways they live and love and worship, no matter what the consequences. Even if it means destroying their cultures, erasing their histories, uprooting their traditions, wiping their memories, this MUST be done; otherwise, they'll slip back into error and damnation.
So, find the TRUTH and stick with it, no matter what. That's an order.
NOTE: You can find divine verities ('truths') in many places. Jack T. Chick publications are a good starting point, both the official and the unofficial archives, and others. Seek and ye shall find, sinner.
In Brief: ETERNAL DAMNATION For Absolute Total Fockwit Morons
Damnation doesn't sound like much fun. Eternity sounds like a long time. Put'em together, and you've got a pretty miserable algorithm.
[PROGRAMMER'S NOTE: The word ALGORITHM is derived from the Greek ALGOS, pain, and RHYTHM, a repeating pattern. ALGORITHM thus denotes RECURRENT PAIN. But I digress...]
But eternal damnation isn't a definite thing; because, just like so much else within the realm of human experience, everything depends on your definitions. Let's see how this works here:
- It depends on what you mean by 'eternal', and whether time is linear or circular or has some other geometry, and how you're already eternal if you're a proton.
- It depends on what you mean by 'damnation', and whether you're a masochist or a sadist or an environmentalist or a psychiatrist, and how bad life can be.
- It depends on the personalities of your deities, and what they consider appropriate punishments for certain offences, and whether the universes cares.
- It depends on the possibilities and geographies of your afterlife or afterlives, and of your forelife or forelives too, and your capacity for boredom.
And see If DAMNATION Is A Game Then Here Are The Rules
War is Hell, but war can also be holy, especially if you're aided by one or more invisible friends who're stronger that the invisible friend(s) of your opponents. When you've got the mightiest invisible friend(s) on your side, you can and must do whatever it takes to prevail; otherwise you'll fail the divine power(s) and be righteously cast aside. Bother. Remember, winning isn't the main thing, it's the ONLY thing. Go get'em!
- Find one or more deities worth fighting for. (1 point)
(See How To Discover Everything About Deities for help here.)
If you can't find any suitable gods, invent your own. (2 points)
(See Start Your Own Religion For Phun & Prophet! for help here.)
Or just choose at random. (3 points)
- From the belief system(s) pertaining to your chosen deity(s), find one or more doctrines that demand, promote, justify or otherwise motivate a holy war. (1 point)
If such doctrines can't be found, invent some. (2 points)
(See KNOWBEL: Belief Systems for help here.)
Otherwise, shitcan the deity(s) and system(s) and goto #1.
- Build a holy army of devoted
suckers believers who will willingly sacrifice themselves (and others) for the sake of your sacred cause. (1 point)
(Such groups as the Aggressive Christianity Missions Training Corps, the Taleban Militia, the Assassins League, the Shiva Sena, and the Lord's Resistance Army
may serve as models fit to inspire those who would heft the Sword Of God.)
Or infiltrate an existing group and turn them to your purposes. (2 points)
Or use classic thought-control methods to turn unwitting civilian populations into warriors for your cause. (3 points)
- Wage holy war. Attack on all fronts. Show no mercy.
(1 point each per attack, per 1000 causalities, per destroyed site)
(See Class- And Cultural-Warfare and Waging War On The U.S. for help here.)
- Comes the time of reckoning: the points don't focking matter. All that matters is that you obliterate the heathens, kill the apostates, purge the heretics, and convert the undecideds. When YOU run the dominant heresy, you win; otherwise, you lose.
Revealed Wisdom ('EPIGNOSIS') is all around you, just floating in the wind as it were. Those Bibles / Scriptures / Gospels and Upanishads and
Koran /
Quran and
Lyking and
Vedas and
Avesta and
Sastra /
Shastra and
Tantra and
Sutras and
Purana and
Edda and the
Book of Mormon and all the rest of that literary stuff. And all the channelings and inspirations and revelationsand pseudo-revelations, not to mention the universal truths embodied in every rock and acorn and wave and fart, why, it makes your head spin! MY head is spinning, that's for sure. Whoa... [thump] ...oops, gotta stop falling down like that. But I digress.
So just about anywhere you look, REVEALED WISDOM jumps out at you and shouts, 'BOO!' In books, magazines, TV, radio, films, CDs, concerts, seminars, services, raves, camp meetings, riots, executions, the InterNet, tattoos, EVERYWHERE, it's nothing but REVEALED WISDOM. Total sensory overload, Mork! Nanu nanu!
So what we need is, a way to FILTER that REVEALED WISDOM, just pick out the stuff that is REAL and that APPLIES to us, to you and me, to him and her and it, to them and those and them over there too. Does the same REVEALED WISDOM speak to all of us? It doesn't seem like it. So many people, so many wisdoms, so little consensus. Some folks say that THEIR wisdom is better than all OTHER wisdoms, but these guys'n'gals are mostly humorless old poops and are best avoided. No, you need to decide for yourself.
IT MAY BE A USEFUL REVELATION IF...
- If it catches your eye — that is, if it pops up so that you notice it. Stuff that you don't see or hear or taste or fondle don't do you much good, eh? Out of sight, out of mind ('invisible and insane'). If you don't notice it, it's not very 'revealed', is it? Leave it alone then.
- If it bites your ass — that is, if it affects you personally. Stuff that doesn't affect you may have its place in the universe, but not in YOUR universe. For instance, what has reincarnation or transfiguration done for you, lately? Not much, eh? Shine it on.
- If it gets you off — that is, if it improves your attitude & latitude. Stuff that isn't enjoyable in one way or another, whether sensual or intellectual or sadistic or masochistic, is just a drag on the market. There's so much TEDIOUS and BORING stuff around, pass on it. Unless you're into that crap, you PUTZ!
- If it stays the course — that is, if you can stomach it for any extended period of time. Stuff that seems good at first, but that leaves you nauseated when you see the full implications and impact of it, is best avoided. One way to judge this is to see how many others have bailed out of it. If there are scads of websites and publications by ex-members, better avoid it.
So many revelations, so little time. Check out those revelations that speak to you. See how they're marketed, their histories, their blood trails, who benefits and who loses. Maybe you'll make a commercial decision, picking those that you can sell to others. Maybe you'll make a random decision, picking whatever jumps at you. Whatever. Have fun.
How To Implement THEOCRACY Without Breaking A Sweat
Theocracy is loads of fun, especially when you are in charge. Well, you're just following divine will, channeling one or more entities, but that's beside the point — you get to call the shots. Literally. Here's how to attain this glorious and blessed state:
How to take control:
- Pick one or more locales.
- Pick one or more deities.
- Take charge of (para)military forces.
- Overlay (A) with (B), utilizing (C).
How to keep control:
- Deal drastically with dissenters:
- Convert the willing.
- Suppress the unwilling.
- Appropriate their properties.
- Offer their women to your supporters.
- Track and kill any escapees.
- Generously reward your supporters:
- Offer the smart ones positions of power.
- Offer the loyal ones wealth and property.
- Offer the dumb ones promises of prosperity.
- Offer the horny ones the dissenters' women.
- Entrench your theocracy in society:
- Take control of schools, media, institutions.
- Allow no competing propaganda to circulate.
- Constantly monitor your people's communications.
- Entertain no doubts of the rightness of your actions.
If you succeed, the divine forces are with you. If you fail, they're against you. If you organize properly, they're irrelevant. Go get'em, bubba. May the Force be with you, eh?
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