Holy <whatever>
Guides For
by Ric Carter
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Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. —WarMunkey Some Important NEW AGE BUZZWORDS — from SCAMS FROM THE GREAT BEYOND
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If you wish to talk a New Ager into doing something, you can't just say, "Hey buddy, loan me some money." You will have much more success if you say, "Excuse me, I couldn't help sharing my thought with you that it would be a spiritually uplifting, transformational experience if we were to share in a financial encounter experience by you loaning me some money. Although I know that you may not feel quite ready for the experience, and I can emphasize with that, I really sense that this would help you overcome some of your ingrained prejudices about material wealth and objective reality. I think we would both find such a process to be spiritually enlightening, karmically uplifting, and a great transformational opportunity."
Whatever you do, avoid the terms "groovy" and "grok" (as in "I can grok what you are saying.") These are passé. It is, however, acceptable to make references to experiences that you have "had" or "shared" in a past life in Atlantis or elsewhere.
—Peter Huston
And More Buzz!
EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr. Huston, although obviously a learned savant, has neglected a number of buzzwords and phrases now embedded in the language of NewAge (rhymes with sewage) woo-woo. Here are some I've collected that can be profitably added to one's vocabulary:
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Look through any NewAge / MysticArts periodical you come across, especially in the advertisements, and you'll see these terms and many more. Learn them well, integrate them into your social language, and watch your relationships multiply and flourish. Remember: Thinking Hurts! For more, see the BUZZWORDS page.
The TEN COMMANDMENTS For Morons
"People of Israel! Hearken unto me! People of Israel! I give you these 15 [...smash...] these 10 Commandments!" —Moses
It's hard to have a proper religion without a bunch of rules, especially divine rules. Some religions have tons and tons of rules, laid out in hierarchies of importance. Some have a few rules which are considered more important than others -- and the importance and interpretation of these rules usually shifts over time and space.
But consider The People Of The Book: Jews, Xians, Muslims. All the sects encompassed by these biblical creeds are rule-based organizations, showing reverence to a common set of rule-filled texts. But none of them follow the SAME sets of rules, not even what many consider the core rules of their faith: the Ten Commandments, or Decalogue.
Jews, Catholics, Protestants use very different Decalogues. Muslims don't use a Decalogue at all. Various Xian splinter groups, especially the Jehovah's Witness and Seventh-Day Adventist millennialist sects, use rather rewritten Decalogues. And to complicate thangs even more, Torah (Law) aka Pentateuch aka "Old Testament" contains THREE different sets of Decalogues, in Exodus 20 and Exodus 34 and Deuteronomy 5 — take a look in your favorite bible and compare them, eh?
Some Xians follow the injunctions of Saul/Paul, the terrorist and death-squad leader who founded Xianity, to ignore all "Old Testament" rules EXCEPT their favorite Decalogue version. Some believers just follow whichever rules they find convenient and/or useful. They're all damned to eternal torment, of course. Piss on'em, the luzers. YOU know better, YOU have got Heaven wired, YOU are saved, right?
As a total moron, you have a lot of wiggle-room over your selection of and adherence to any ten commandments. Since most morons haven't the wit to create their own commandments, a few authoritative pre-cast versions are available. Walk into any place of worship, demand to see their in-house Decalogue, and if it "turns you on" then join up and obey. You might want to consider such details as:
- Is this Decalogue considered to be Ten Orders, Ten Suggestions, Ten Promises, Ten Abstractions, or what?
- Does it prohibit 'killing' or 'murder'? If only murder is proscribed, you can get away with a lot of killing.
- Does it prohibit coveting your neighbor's ass, or just his wife? You can do a lot of ass-coveting, possibly.
- How nice is the presentation? Is it rendered in stone, on parchment, on a computer screen, in blood, or what?
Once you've selected a creed and its Decalogue, consider displaying that specific Decalogue (but no others!) in as many places as possible: public, private, pubic, extraterrestrial, (in)visible, (in)comprehensible, etc.
Post your Decalogues in libraries, shopping malls, courthouses, schools, restrooms, restaurants and cafes, crack houses, brothels, police stations, mosques, temples, offices, factories, anyplace the message can be appreciated. Do not let the resistance of heathens deter you — drive on!
With the proper selection and implementation of your Ten (or 15 or 7 or whatever) Commandments, you can have a successful life and afterlife, free from the bother and tedium of thinking for yourself. Have fun, kiddo.
And if you can find copies of the CLEAR WORD BIBLE (7th Day Adventists) and NEW WORLD BIBLE (Jehovah's Witnesses), compare their Decalogues with Hebrew, Catholic, Orthodox, Protestant and other versions.
CONTENTS:
<== backNewAge BUZZWORDS
And Even More Buzz!
(BUZZWORDS page)
TEN COMMANDMENTS
Decalogue Resources
(KABBALAH Guide)
the GO! index
next ==>
RESOURCES
RELIGION ETC: ApocalypseAtheism
Church-Founding
Cults
Decalogue
Divine Retribution
DOGma
Eternal Bliss & Damnation
GodRules
GOOD GODZ
Heresy
HELL
Holy War
Human Sacrifice
Meditation
Miracles
Pilgrimage
Reincarnation
Revealed Wisdom
Sacraments
Soul Care & Theft
Spell-Casting
t'CotO
Theocracy
Theopoly
Visitation & Possession
Xian Origins
and see the t'CotO Archives and the MemePool Religion archives
MUSIC
TAROT SongsSAINTS Songs
VAMPIRE Songs
ST. ELVIS Songs
GOOD GODZ!
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Ric Carter, ric@sonic.net, www.sonic.net/~ric, copyright © by OTRSS