^In Brief: ATHEISM For Complete Morons

"My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own images, to be servants of their human interests." —Charles Santayana

Atheism has been a pretty hot topic for some time now, ever since Nietzsche declared God dead and God declared Nietzsche dead. Maybe even before then, before Marx and Darwin and Faraday. But just what the Hell is this Atheism stuff, anyway? Some definitions run like this:

• Atheism: Wandering around in public with no means of invisible support.
• Atheism: Bothered by no gods. Almost better than no religion at all.
• Atheism: The most naked of religious sentiments.
• Atheist: A popular infidel of questionable allegiance, though not a theist. A theist is one who believes that God is a chain motel-keeper and can be known by reservation — as distinguished from deist, one who avers that God is a slumlord and absentee owner and can be known by default. A pantheist is one who sees God in His works, essentially His mirrors. —RW Jackson

Then of course there was the dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in Dog. But I digress...

Just what is atheism (from the Greek for "without gods")? That depends on the theology of whomever you ask. Common responses might include:

• A mono-atheist or anti-theist says s/he doesn't believe in God.
• A poly-atheist says s/he doesn't believe in the gods, but neither does a mono-theist.
• A pan-atheist say s/he doesn't believe in the tree spirits, but neither do mono-theists or poly-theists.
• An ego-tist says s/he doesn't believe in ME! The swine!

In fact, EVERYONE except a pantheist is an atheist about SOMETHING. If you're a Xian / Christian (who to a Muslim looks like a polytheist -- the Trinity, y'know) then you're atheistic towards Indian and African deities. If you're Muslim or Hindu, you're also atheistic towards the Xian Trinity and NewAge "gods from outer space". If you follow Woodyism, you're atheistic towards any gods you didn't carve yourself. If you're a Frisbyterian, then when you die your soul is stuck on the roof. But I digress...

So it all depends on what ISN'T believed, and how many of'em there are that aren't believed in. All negative stuff, eh? Well, not really. See the ATHEISM FAQ *

Of course, all this brouhaha derives from the problem of just how one counts deities. How can you tell how many there are? I provide a comprehensive methodology in HOW DO I COUNT DEITIES?

But what it boils down to is: atheists don't have invisible friends. Since most religious wars boil down to, "MY invisible friend is better than YOUR invisible friend!", atheists have to find something else to fight about. That's easy. Some who don't worship SACRED entities manage to worship SECULAR entities, such as their favorite political-economic-philosophical-artistic system(s) — in which case they've just adopted a different form of religion. Read about KNOWLEDGE & BELIEF SYSTEMS *

So if you need invisible friends, by all means AVOID atheism. If you want to have all sorts of rituals to structure and occupy your time, AVOID atheism. If you want to follow dogmas whose validity can't be demonstrated while you're alive, AVOID atheism. Just don't ask an atheist to share a beer with you. Unless you're buying.

If HERESY Is A Game, Then These Are The Damnable Rules

"One man's dogma is another man's heresy." —Anon.

HERESY is such a catch-all word, meaning just about whatever one wishes. One who argues or acts against your beliefs is a HERETIC, or who thinks differently, or who just rubs you the wrong way, or who is a fit target for denunciation. This is to be distinguished from the APOSTATE, who used to believe as you did but later changed their mind; and from the INFIDEL, who has never shared your beliefs. Sloppy speakers sometimes confuse these terms.

HERESY and APOSTASY are both natural features of any belief system, which tends towards SCHISM. (See KNOWLEDGE VS. BELIEF for further discussion.) All belief systems derived from similar sources bear heretical relationships to each other. The system that gains the greatest power at any time is the DOMINANT HERESY of its milieu.

A lapsed APOSTATE has fallen into the sin of APOSTROPHE; a lapsed ATHEIST has fallen into the sin of APOTHEOSIS; they will likely be severely punished by their follow communicants. It just never stops. But I digress...

The HERETIC GAME and its counterparts, the APOSTATE GAME and the INFIDEL GAME have very clear-cut rules:

The next step for the HERETIC or APOSTATE games may be:

• Join another belief system. OR
• Create your own belief system.
  (click here for details) OR
• Avoid belief systems. OR
• Succumb to whatever.

Properly played, HERESY and/or APOSTASY can be richly rewarding. One may gain a reputation, gain favor and power and wealth and sex etc in the company of those who oppose your former belief system, write one or more books, become a broadcast commentator, etc. The horizons are limitless. Well, except for that assassination squad that's following you...

CONTENTS:

RESOURCES

MUSIC

PRAYER