If GENDER CONFUSION Is A Game Then Here Are The Rules

"Sex: the poor man's polo." —Clifford Odets

Do you know what sex you are? Do you know what sex I am? Do you care? Are you obsessed with sex? Whose? Are you obsessed with any details, characteristics, items, usually associated with some alleged gender other than your own? Would you rather play with guns, dolls, both, neither?

Let's get this straight (as it were): SEX is biology, the equipment we're born with, if any. GENDER is psychology, the equipment we visualize, if any; or it's sociology, the equipment a society assigns us. Various societies at various times allocate various gender roles to make it easier to distinguish between sexes. At some points in a social space-time matrix, human males may be drab and colorless while females are bright and primping; at other points, it's vice-versa; and different social situations determine who wears trousers, who wears skirts (or kilts), and who wears nothing at all.

Like I said, gender roles are about simplifying the determination of sex — but the one constant about human sexuality is that it is NOT simple. Human consciousness is the most complex stuff we know of, and ANY simplified statement about human sexuality is bound to be wrong. People treat sexuality / gender in a near-infinitude of ways, which makes life lotsa fun, eh? So now let's play the GENDER CONFUSION GAME:

1. Pick a society, any society.
2. Pick a gender, any gender.
3. Note how (A) deals with (B).
4. Repeat steps (B) and (C) with other genders.
5. Switch the behaviours assigned to genders.
6. Keep score, based on common reactions:
   • You are attacked.... -1 point
   • You are ignored..... -0 points
   • You are seduced..... +1 point
   • You are celebrated.. +2 points

7. If you are dissatisified, goto A.
8. Note which societies gain the highest & lowest scores.
9. Note which societies you feel most & least attracted to.
10. Plot your personal level of confusion vs. the scores.
11. Do something creative / artistic with the plotted data.

NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS: The Game Of UNINTENDED ORGASM

"Mastication is what the Italians do with their hands when they talk English." —Anon. Jr.

You didn't mean to cum. It just happened. You went to bed as normal, same as every night. You brushed your teeth, scrubbed your face and behind your ears, threw out the cat, set the alarm, closed the curtains, put on your jammies, knelt and prayed, crawled under the covers, turned out the light, and visualized a dark cave with flickering firelight and sabre-toothed tigers prowling in the darkness. Then you slept.

And you slept. And you dreamt. And you dreamt of caves, and trees, and lakes, and mountains. And people whose faces you don't remember, in places you don't remember, doing things you don't remember, but they felt good. Maybe too good. Because when you awoke, you were wet Down There.

Maybe you felt chagrined at your biological response. Maybe you felt shame at your moral weakness. Maybe you felt peeved that you couldn't remember who was involved. Maybe you felt impatient at the slowness of it all. And maybe as a gamer you felt challenged by the informality, the lack of structure, the lack of rules.

Well, we can deal with the latter. Here are the game rules for the NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS game:

1. All Players shall announce their intention to play.
2. Each Player shall mark their checklist of activities.
3. Each Player shall prepare for slumber, executing the following steps:
   1. Personal depilation (hair removal), 2 minutes
   2. Personal elimination (waste removal), 2 mins.
   3. Personal sanitation (shower w/ scrubbing), 8 mins.
      NOTE: No self-gratification is allowed in this step.
   4. Personal dehydrification (drying-off), 5 mins. Ditto.
   5. Sleep-place sanitation (picking-up), 2 mins.
   6. Sleep-place meditation (prayer, etc), 2 mins.
   7. Sleep-place insertion (crawling-in), 1 minute

4. Each Player shall attach an approved brain-wave monitor and genital-emission gauge.
5. Each Player shall set their room light(s) to their accustomed sleep-time level.
6. Each Player shall engage in an approved sequence of pre-dreaming visualizations.
7. Each Player shall sleep and dream, as possible.
8. Each Player shall, upon awakening and arising, record their scores:
   1. For each REM-state incident..... +1 point
   2. For each orgasmic incident...... +2 points
   3. For each c.c. of emission....... +1 point
      (doubled for double-arm amputees)

9. All Players shall compare their scores per time span: each night, week, month, quarter, and year. Agreed-upon prizes shall be awarded to the winner (with the most points) at each time span. Players may participate for any period of time, but are only eligible for prizes if they compete every night within that time span. Death while sleeping is grounds for disqualification.

If POLYSEXUALITY Is A Game Then Here Are The Rules

"Love is a many-gendered thing." —Anon.

Some men (and women) need a good woman. Some men (and women) need a good man. Some men (and women) need a good dog. Some men (and women) need a good sheep. (See FUCK A DUCK: If BESTIALITY Is A Game Then Here Are The Rules for more on this.) Some people need several or more of the above. Those who do (omitting the bestialists for now) are POLYSEXUAL and engage in POLYMORPHOUS PERVERSITY, which is a hell of a fun game to play:

1. Pick a person, any gender. (1 point)
2. Have sex, by any method. (2 points)
3. Goto #1.

There, wasn't that simple? Welcome to the GLBT community! And to think that some people find this complicated or difficult! What morons! Of course, building relationships based on the above may take a little time and effort, but that's another game...

---

OK, maybe that's a bit too simple. Here's another game with much more complexity:

Use cardboard and clock hands to make spinners, which contain the following choices:

Spinner 1: WHO Person on your right Person on your left 2nd from your right 2nd on your left Person opposite you Yourself	Coin Flip: HOW They do to you You do to them
Spinner 2: WHERE Face Feet Hands Chest Genitals Anus	Coin Flip: AT Selected points All around
Spinner 3: WHAT Massage Kiss Pinch Tickle Penetrate Engulf	Coin Flip: TIME Briefly Extensively

You could also mark dice or make cards, but spinners will suffice.

Now, the game:

The Polyamory Game

1. Gather some players of any physical sexuality
2. In turn, each player spins the spinners and flips the coins
3. Perform the designated act with the designated player
4. Repeat until exhausted

Gosh, that sure was a lot of fun, wasn't it?!?!?! Try it tomorrow with other players! And of course, you're all practicing safe sex, right? Of course...

Time Considered As A Helix Of SIMULTANEOUS ORGASMS

You approach, touch, stroke, circle, repeat, merge, identify, erupt, linger, glow. You and your partner(s) have cum together. Another memorable moment/locale of space-time is marked and rejoiced.

This is not an isolated event, unconnected with all other mass-energy-time interactions in the universe. At least, it shouldn't be. Cumming together is not just a single isolated eruption of desire, but a fixing of eternity within a finite duration — and marks the pattern of reality, the tension holding together the warp and weft of the fabric of reality.

Thus we see the universe as a giant web woven from discrete elements: from matter, energy, space, time, love, acceptance. And the first of these is love — indeed, all of observable reality has sprung from an initial orgasm, the Big Cum, an incomprehensible explosion of erotic energy. We came, therefore we are.

Time differs from the other elements, it provides the structure around which everything revolves and down which they travel, spinning into infinity. And time spirals around itself, the present giving us more-or-less imperfect views of the past and future. Time is an extended spiral, a helix.

And that helix of time is marked by those orgasms, and most particularly marked by all the simultaneous orgasms, shining from the helical matrix like beads of supernovas.

But enough rhapsodizing — we have work to do. Time doesn't just continue on its own, y'know; it doesn't just run on an accumulation of past simultaneous orgasms. A constant fresh supply is needed, or else time will run down like an old clock. We don't really want to see that, now do we? Of course not! So let's get down to it! Here are the rules:

The Absolutely Vital SUMULTANEOUS ORGASMS Game !



1. Gather one or more partners.
2. Become intimate with them.
3. Carefully proceed with foreplay.
4. Carefully proceed to orgasm.
5. If orgasms were inadequate but simultaneous,
     score 3 points and goto #3
6. If orgasms were adequate but not simultaneous,
     score 2 points and goto #2
7. If orgasms were inadequate and not simultaneous,
     score 1 point and goto #1
8. YAAY! YOU WIN! Score 10 points!
9. Repeat as needed.

At the end of any desired time interval, count up points. Congratulate yourself that you have kept time going for awhile, delaying the inevitable heat-death of the universe.. Now check out the song.

The Total Moron's Guide To SOLAR POWERED SEX TOYS

Darn, there was a news article on the Web from Australia, about members of a lesbian commune who looted neighboring ranches of batteries after their solar-electric charger broke, rendering all their sex-toys inoperative, but now I can't find it... I thought it was mentioned in the Robot Wisdom weblog, but that's been re-orged. Darn...

But I digress. There are several ways that your sex-toys can be solar-powered: solar-electric (direct or indirect), solar-heated (ditto), and solar-fueled (ditto again). Let's look at how these technologies work, so you can design and build or repair your own.

1. Solar-electric (direct): Put photovoltaic (PV) panels out in the sun, run wires from them to your sex toy(s). Operate normally. Don't get tangled in the wires.
2. Solar-electric (indirect): Use PV panels to charge batteries; insert charged batteries into your sex toy(s). Operate normally. Don't burn out the batteries.
3. Solar-heated (direct): Put water-heating (WH) panels out in the sun, run tube(s) from them to your sex toy(s). Watch for leaks. Don't mash tubes.
4. Solar-heated (indirect): Use WH panels to heat water; insert hot water into your sex toy(s). Operate normally. Be care where you squirt that stuff.
5. Solar-fueled (direct): Put solar-wind-catching (SWC) funnels out in space, run channels from them to your sex toy(s). Operate normally. Watch for skyhooks.
6. Solar-fueled (indirect): Use SWC funnels to trap particles; insert charged particles into your sex toy(s). Operate normally. Beware escaped particles.
   
   NOTE: The latter two technologies may be too sophisticated for the average total moron. Maybe you should stick with the first four, which are much easier to deal with.

I'm not going to deal with POWERED SEX TOYS in general here — you can research those on your own. Just be careful about where you put them, for how long, on what power setting, and with whom. Otherwise you could cause problems. Real problems. But if you stick to solar-powered stuff, at least you won't damage the electrical transmission lines or bring down the power grid. The authorities tend to frown on that. Have fun, y'all.

CONTENTS:

<== back
Gender Confusion
Nocturnal Emissions
Polysexuality Game
Simult's Orgasms
SolarPower SexToys
the GO! index
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