SWEET SAINT JOAN Forestville, CA 12/13 November 1999
Sweet Saint Joan, will you sleep with me?
Will you sleep with Jesus?
Will you sleep with Death?
Sweet Saint Joan, will you set me free?
Will you set me loose?
Will you set me up?
--
Sweet Saint Joan, will you swing your sword?
Will you swing your dog?
Will you shake your ass?
Sweet Saint Joan, will you laugh at me?
Will you laugh at Jesus?
Will you laugh at Death?
--
Sweet Saint Joan, will you cry for yourself?
Do you cry for mankind?
Will you cry with the women?
For God? For me? Which god? Which me? Why not?
Sweet Saint Joan, does the wind blow cold?
Does your soul burn bright?
Does the fire burn hot?
--
Sweet Saint Joan, will you carry the day?
Will you carry the dead?
Will you carry my heart?
Sweet Saint Joan, will you sing for love?
Will you sing for peace?
Will you singe forever?
SAINT PAUL, THE SLIME Forestville, CA 12/13 November 1999
St. Paul led his death-squad in
Kicked the door down, grabbed the rebels
St. Paul put them to the knife
And he threw the first stone
--
St. Paul's boyfriend left him, couldn't
Stand the blood, the laughs, the leers
St. Paul took a weekend off
Crying in his beer
--
St. Paul's captain said, "Infiltrate
the Nazarenes, eat from their plate,
Gain their trust, they'll be our tools"
St. Paul grew a beard
--
The Nazarenes thought Saul was lying
When he said, "G-D spoke to me!"
The led him to a hermit's cell
And let him count the days
--
The Nazarenes sent bold Saul out
To recruit lawyers, guns and money
From the rich diaspora
But he propagandized
--
St. Paul spun his tales for Rome
Invented Christianity
Smothered the Jewish Revolt, made slaves
from sea to shining sea
--
St. Paul took his mission home
Where the crowds would have his head
So he changed identities
And vanished down the road
--
St. Paul built a mighty church
A refuge for imperial might
A sop to pacify the poor
A cloak of endless night
--
St. Paul, St. Paul, St. Paul...
TRAVELLING WITH SAINT CHRISTOPHER Forestville, CA 13 Nov 1999
Saint Christopher, take me far away
I can't stand it here anymore
I need to put some mileage on
PAC-MAN's such a focking bore
--
SPACE INVADER's lost its lustre
Take me to another game
Take me to another world
Somewhere pinball ain't so lame
--
Saint Christopher, protect my voyage
Please don't let my jet plane crash
Don't let aliens abduct me
Don't let me be human trash
--
Saint Chris, I'm depending on you
Your medal's hanging from my ear
I've got you tattooed on my ass
I always want to have you near
--
[instr]
Saint Christopher, don't wimp on me
Saint Christopher, I gotta pee...
WATCH OUT, SAINT BRIDGET [sprightly jig] Forestville CA 13 Nov 1999 *
St. Bridget be fair, be light, be fine
St. Bridget, don't drink the Xian wine
Don't eat their bread, don't turn your head
St. Bridget, they're after you
--
St. Bridget, beware, they would have you
As their own, make you their slave
As so many others have
St. Bridget, it's you they crave
--
St. Bridget, the Xians are crafty sods
They lure you in, they use your name
They twist the tales of older gods
It's mind-control all the same
--
St. Bridget be wise, be calm, be wary
Don't sit in for the Virgin Mary
And don't be used like Guadelupe
Don't become their tool
--
St. Bridget, let's dance around the Maypole
Laugh with all the elves and trolls
Feast with light and feast with darkness
Worship Gaia, yes
ETERNAL LIFE, or, A BUNCHA SAINTS AND ANGELS Forestville, CA 13 November 1999
[funky bluesy slide guitar & traffic noise]
A buncha saints and angels / were hangin' out at Starbucks
Sipping Kona roast (with just a twist of lemon)
Talking about the newest bands / and their websites and IPO's
--
A buncha saints and angels / just blowing Saturday
"These guys are boring," I darkly thought
But not as bad as you've been lately
--
I don''t want eternal life if it means being stuck with you
If Jewel's going to Hell, then I wanna be there too
Keep me away from saints and angels / dump me at the zoo
--
A buncha saints and angels / all jumped in their Beamers
Drove on back to heaven / with cellphones in their ears
A buncha saints and angels / all with eternal life
Whatta buncha luzers / [thump] gimme that knife
I DREAMED I SAW ST. DRACULA Forestville, CA 13 Nov 1999
I dreamed I saw St. Dracula,
Swimming to the shore
I dreamed I saw St. Dracula,
And then I dreamed no more
Radiant with a holy glow
Spinning like a dolphin, so
I dreamed I saw St. Dracula,
Boiling in the sun
--
I dreamed I saw the Virgin Queen,
Sailing by his side
I dreamed I heard the Virgin Queen,
Teardrops in her eye
Radiant in her spandex tights
Kissing children of the night
I dreamed I saw the Virgin queen,
Boiling in the sea
--
I dreamed I saw the Holy Child,
Teeth so long and sharp
I dreamed I saw the Sacred Boy,
Blowing on his harp
He hit a riff and softly moaned
While giant squid caressed his bone
I dreamed I saw the Sacred Boy,
Boiling in the rain
--
I dreamed I saw St. Dracula,
Rising from the foam
I dreamed I saw St. Dracula,
Making his way home
He turned and smiled at me, and sang
A song so sweet that time stood still
I dreamed I saw St. Dracula,
And then I dreamed no more
ST.VITUS AND THE SNAKE [Cajun waltz] Forestville CA 18 November 1999
[slow 3-step]
St. Vitus, you left me at the dance
St. Vitus, I didn't have a chance
St. Vitus, you left me in a trance...
--
St. Vitus, you know you done me wrong
St. Vitus, I only wore a thong
St. Vitus, please listen to my song...
--
[fast 2-step]
You took me to a wake
[to a wake, to a wake]
You left me with a snake
[with a snake, with a snake]
You told me what to take
[what to take, what to take, what to take...]
--
Ya gave me little ergot
[little ergot, little ergot]
I jumped like I was hot
[O so hot, yeh so hot]
An' then of course I fergot
[O I fergot, yeh I fergot, uh I fergot...]
--
[instr break][extended chaos]
--
[slow 3-step]
St. Vitus, you sucked out my mind
St. Vitus, I hope that you were kind
St. Vitus, I think I'm going blind...
PARADISE INTERRUPTUS Forestville, CA 19 Nov 1999
Your trip to Heaven's been postponed
A team of angels is concerned
About the tests you did on rats
And cats and monkeys in your work
To conquer HIV
-
[chorus:] It's paradise, paradise, paradise
Interruptus, interruptus, interruptus
-
Eternal reward's been put on hold
The saints' committee is deciding
If you ignored protocols
And broke your ethics pledge
When you cured cancer [chorus]
-
You could be going straight to Hell
Or maybe stay in Purgatory
You upset delicate balances, left
The Wheel of Life in disarray
When you vanquished Death [chorus]
-
The gods themselves will soon determine
If you've torn reality's fabric
The Pleasure Principle's meaningless
No one suffers, no one learns
When you ended pain [chorus]
-
Your shuttle to Heaven's been grounded
The cosmic bureaucracy's scared shitless
Who needs gods, angels, saints?
When humans have and take the power
To live forever [chorus]
YOUR SAINTS Geyserville, CA 20 November 1999
Your saints need to bathe, they're the flea-bitten kind
Hairy and scratchy, ragged and patchy,
Holy and out of their minds
--
Your saints need counselling, they tend to rant and rave
Haunted, infested, not too well-rested
And it would help if they'd shave
--
Your saints are rather tortured - they hop around, twitch and curse
Demonic possession, angelic obsession
Dementia vulgaris, and worse
--
Your saints sing out of tune, sometimes they howl at the moon
If this is the work of your God, He's a jerk
I hope they escape from Him soon
SEVEN SAINTS Cloverdale, CA 20 November 1999
[chorus:] 7 saints and 7 kings, some that fly on angel's wings
7 kings and 7 saints, some that is and some that ain't
--
Show me dread, leave me dead, give me head, 7 saints
Take my hope, take my dope, give me dope, 7 saints
Help me feel, help me steal, make me real, 7 saints
Watch me dance, take my pants, take a chance, 7 saints --chorus--
--
Rule the lands, chop my hands off, 7 queens and 7 kings
Hear my pleas, smash my knees, whisper "Jeez," 7 kings
7 angels like mosquitos, flitting 'round me, buzzing news
7 Angels in a flock, freezing me with magic talk --chorus--
--
7 saints to intercede, 7 saints to drink my mead
7 saints to do the deed, what kind of chance have I?
7 days to walk the line, 7 nights of rotgut wine
7 years to pay the fine, and where the hell am I? --chorus--
--
Give me perspicasity and kill my fleas, 7 saints
Make me very telepathic, squash my ticks, 7 saints
Give me hell, fix my smell, wish me well, 7 saints
Help me kayak over the falls, kiss my balls, 7 saints --chorus--
SWEET SANTA ROSA [waltz] Forestville CA 26 Nov 1999 *
Santa Rosa let me in, gave me flowers, gave me hours
Of her time which I wasted tastelessly
Santa Rosa sat and smiled, let me spoil an afternoon
Which she could have utilized so gracefully
Santa Rosa, will ya kiss me, will ya miss me, will ya think about me
When my faded shadow's headed west?
Santa Rosa, Santa Rosa, don't you know I love you only,
Love you madly, gladly swear that you're the best?
--
Santa Rosa, now it's winter, I could never hope to disinter
The feelings that I buried long ago
Santa Rosa, it's the season, it's the turn of the millennium
I feel the decades slipping out your door
Santa Rosa, light the candles, cook the chicken, send the email,
Tell me that the future's brighter than the past
Santa Rosa, Santa Rosa, pull your cape a little closer
Don't imagine that this message is the last
--
Santa Rosa, cocks are crowing, fires are burning, here it's snowing
And I'm going to a land I never know
Santa Rosa, every time I cross a border or get drunk,
I'll think of you
Santa Rosa, there's no starting, an'no ending, an'no bending
Of the endless, endless rules of right and wrong
Santa Rosa, Santa Rosa, have you always been a soldier?
Will you let me sing about you in this song?
SAN SIMIAN [polka] Forestville CA 28 Nov 1999 *
San Simian, San Simian, I love you, you big ape
You scratch my ass so thoughtfully, it's more than I can take
Carefully you groom for ticks and lice and tiny snakes
Beautiful San Simian, you give my heart a shake
--
San Simian, San Simian, the forest is our home
We never slash and burn the jungle, that would be a crime
Your spatial sense is exquisite, your major claim to fame
Sensuous San Simian, forgive me if I come
--
San Simian, San Simian, the gates of Hell are near
I need your dispensation, I need another beer
I never believ-ed the rumours that you're really queer
Industrious San Simian, throw down your hammer here
--
San Simian, San Simian, the sun is almost down
We gotta get some mileage on, we gotta split this town
I don't care if your hair is wet, or if your asshole's brown
Regular San Simian, please help me to get down
--
San Simian, San Simian, the sky is turning red
I need you in my consciousness, I need you in my bed
Has anybody ever told you that you give good head?
Illustrious San Simian, you've risen from the dead
St. Jimi Forestville CA 28 Nov 1999
Jimi Hendrix wasn't God
I know, I'm a goddam priest
Jimi Hendrix wasn't God
Was he?
--
Jimi Hendrix WAS guitar
Loved his karma til it broke
Jimi, take another toke
Won't you?
--
Jimi Hendrix fried so young
Failed the music, failed the test
O St. Jimi, give your tongue
A rest
--
St. Jimi, St. Jimi, St. Jimi, St. Jimi...
--
Jimi Hendrix flows with grace
Someone's sitting on his face
Jimi, are the others all
That loose?
--
St. Jimi, St. Jimi, St. Jimi, St. Jimi...
--
Jimi Hendrix saved my ass
I gave up heroin for grass
O St. Jimi, when's the last
Revival?
A PLANELOAD OF SAINTS FLYING [Cajun waltz] (over Kansas) 22 Dec 1999
A planeload of saints went down
Smack in the side of a mountain
Nobody saw the fireball
Nobody paid attention
--
A planeload of saints were taken
Harvested by some aliens
They all end straight to wherever
It wasn't retribution
--
A planeload of saints went [poof!]
An everyday occurrance
A little blip in the news
A bother for the insurance
--
[break] Hey! Hey! Yah-weh!
How Many Saints Did You Squash Today?
How Many Angels Have Run Away?
--
A planeload of sains imploded
Fell right off the radar
Re-established the cosmic balance
Somewhere or another
--
A planeload of saints was transformed
Into constituent molecules
A beautiful show of energy
A planeload of saints went down [repeat & fade]
SANTA CLAUS IS DRUNK AGAIN [noisy boogie] Manalapan NJ 25 Dec 1999
Santa Claus is drunk again
Call the cops - he's picked a fight
With Biker Lenny - bad move
He's lucky if it's only a concussion
--
Santa Claus is drunk again
He pulled his pants down, waved his weenie
At a passing pack of nuns
They whacked him with their rulers
--
Santa Claus is drunk again
He chased a cat down Laurel Street
Ran into a tree, needs 20 stitches
And another bottle of gin
--
Santa Claus is drunk again
It's really quite embarrassing
Are all your cultural heros
Quite this dissolute?
--
Santa Claus is drunk again
We tried to get him to A.A.
He bit my ear, I punched the bastard out
Left him in the alley
--
Santa Claus is drunk again [repeat & fade]
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