STREETS OF PLOESTI (cowboy) Forestville, CA August (?) 1993 *
[tune: Streets of Laredo - The Cowboy's Lament]
As I was out stalking the streets of Ploesti
As I was a-stroll in Ploesti one night
I spied a young Vampyre all wrapped in black linen
All wrapped in black linen, as cold as the night
-
"I see by your canines that you are a Vampyre
You see by my canines that I'm a Vampyre too
We see by our dentition that we are both Vampyres
Anyone with such fangs must be a Vampyre too"
-
I sang out those words and she hissed like a cobra
"Oh damn your rough doggerel and insouciance so bright
I've depopulated more provinces than ever you'll visit
But I've bitten the wrong vein, now I'm out like a light"
-
"Get six jolly werewolves to carry my coffin
Get six pretty ogres to gnaw on my bones
Put clumps of amanita all over my coffin
Amanita to amaze the worms in the loam"
-
"Oh blow the pipes lowly and boil the lead slowly
And play the Totenwalz as you're staking me down
Then lay the sod o'er me and cut off my head
For I've been a bad Vampyre and I'm better off dead"
-
So we honked the horns lowly and sipped the blood slowly
And danced with St. Vitus as we staked down her heart
Her fangs now adorn the gates of Ploesti
Shining like fire 'neath the planets and stars
(I Love) MY LITTLE VAMPIRE (slowly) Forestville, CA August (?) 1993 *
I love my little vampire and I think that she loves me
Although she is four-hundred-ten and I'm just forty-three
To me, she is a goddess, and she wants me for my body
I think she is from Europe though we met here in Cotati
-
Her skin is so translucent, glowing pulsing red
In early morning, showing she's been adequately fed
With just the proper diet, she's hardly ever pallid
Her movements are impossible; her sophistry is valid
-
(I love my little vampire / I want my little vampire)
-
I found my little vampire biting an another man
She licked her smile and said, "I've been as faithful as I can"
Her tastes are so particular; she culls the human flock
Of priests and gamblers, publishers, and anyone called "Doc"
-
We spend our evenings hand-in-hand in some suburban park
She taps my arm and never lets me wander in the dark
When dawn arrives we yawn and quickly dig into our bed
We always share our memories and enumerate our dead
-
(I need my little vampire / I love my little vampire)
-
We've harvested Uzbekistan and taken several Steppes
Her specialty is Turks-blood soup, mine is Tartar Crepes
While back in California, no one will even notice
If we take a few Evangelists and don't alarm the voters
-
I love the little vampire and I think that she loves me
Although I am a mortal schlep and she's a deity
Our love will last forever, if I go along with her
Our love will end abruptly, if I show any fear
TRANSYLVANIA POLKA (Let's Stomp The Vampyr) (fast polka) Forestville, CA August (?) 1993 *
2nd verse: Bonaparte Lake, WA 7 Oct. 2005
It's midnite and the moon is hot
Let's go stomp a vampyr out
That's how - we par-ty here
In Transylvania, we have ways
Of dealing with the undead craze
First we drink a lit-tle beer
Then we gather all the boys in
town and get the village priest
to bless us, - and - we - pray
We get our dogs and baseball bats
And practice stomping diplomats
And this - is - what - we - say:
-
[chorus:]
(Huh!) Stomp the vam-pyr
(Huh!) Stomp the vam-pyr
(Huh!) Stomp the vam-pyr
(Huh!) Stomp the vam-pyr
(Huh!) Stomp the vam-pyr
(Huh!) Stomp the vam-pyr
(Huh!) Stomp the vampyr, and
We all - will - have - a - ball!
-
When vampyrs see us coming round
You know they try run outa town
We catch'em and we have - some - fun
We each pull out a silver cross
And baseball bats with names embossed
And someone has a sil-ver gun
We drink some beer, we make some noise
Now who could blame excited boys?
You know what is co-ming next
We pounds and shoots and breaks some tooths
And vampyr blood runs down their snoots
It's almost - as good - as sex
[chorus]
-
[instrumental - modulates]
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
[instrumental]
-
Everybody's got the mania
To do the polka from Transylvania!
THERE AND HERE [fiddle] Forestville, CA 16 Nov 1993
There goes the day / here comes the knife
Here comes the vampire / there goes my life
There goes the thunder / here come the rains
Feeding the flowers / with my blood and brains
-
[chorus:] There and here, and here and there
And how and why, and when and where
-
Here come the creatures / to nibble my bones
There goes my baby / left all alone
Here comes the vampire / for my baby too
In my last dream / I'm dreaming of you [chorus]
-
There goes the fire / here comes the rain
Singing its wet song / over again
Here there be dragons / from across the dark gulf
Here the basilisk / there the dire wolf [chorus]
-
No Turkish drummers / no Celtic lace
No Tibetan gongs / no Malay face
No Zulu spears / no Hopi dance
There goes tradition / here comes the trance
-
[chorus:] There and here, and here and there
And how and why, and when and where
And do and die, and do and dare
VAMPIRE LOVE Forestville, Calif 8 Nov 1995
She said she loved me / She bit my neck
She drained me dry / But what the heck
We'll sleep below you / We'll prey from above
we'll live forever / With vampire love
-
Vampire love, vampire love
We'll live forever / With vampire love
-
And when we're lonely / We'll make some more
Til vampire love's / A bloody bore
Then stake us down / And chop us up
And swirl our blood / In a coffee cup
-
(inst.break)
-
Vampire love, vampire love
We'll love forever / With vampire love
I told her I wanted to be a Buddah.
"Fuck off" she said.
"OK" I said.
-
I started across the blasted landscape.
She followed, throwing rocks at my feet.
Buzzards circled us; iguanas did pushups.
"It's hot" she said.
"OK" I said.
-
We walked on to the burnt horizon.
We stopped midday, ate, drank, fucked, drank again.
We walked on into the lowering sun.
We found a ruined church, started a fire,
ate roasted rabbits and meal cakes.
-
We slept.
The vampires found us then.
I guess Buddhahood or something like that
Is out of the question now.
OCTOBER COUNTRY [music: Forestville CA, summer 1995] Guerneville, CA Aug 1997 *
(sprightly dulcimer or dobro tune)
In the / October country
We drank warm sake / And watched the stars
Camped by / The redwood forest
We listened to the birds / And grizzly b'ars
Coastal breezes barely touched the trees
Dysentary brought us to our knees
In the / October country
We watched while Jupiter / caught up with Mars
-
In the / Winter country
We lit our torches / And laughed at night
Tasted / Winter spices
And held each other / Rolled up tight
Daylight crept along the snowy hills
Seasoned campers kept our bellies full
In the / Winter country
We danced with demons / And played with light
-
Drin-king deep / of the endless, endless sleep
Drin-king it down and down and down...
-
In the / April country
We burnt the cities / Til we wept
In the / April country
We fed on souls/ Until we slept
Another spring, another summer lost
Another ice-age, one more eon crossed
In the / Timeless country
We hold Eternity / In our debt
LOUP-GAROU (Cajun 3-step) Guerneville CA 29 April 1999 *
Out on the stinkin' bayou, there lives the Loup-Garou
With his wife, the lovely Lupey; little baby Looper too
Out under the full moon, the werewolves howl and sing
Out under the full moon, it's a dirty rotten thing
-
[chorus] Loup Gar-ou-ou-ou, where are you, where are you?
Loup Gar-ou-ou-ou, where are you, where are you?
-
Out under the full moon, the werewolves dance and howl
Out under the full moon, they make their deadly prowl
There's some poor Cajun, poles his pirouge to the shore
There's some poor Cajun, ain't coming home no more
[chorus] [instrumental break]
-
Take yer wolfbane and yer hemlock and yer silver crucifix
And sprinkle holy water on yer hammer and yer sticks
Go make a final will, go hunt the Loup-Garou
But everyone will know there's no cha-ance for you
[chorus]
ANOTHER WEREWOLF IN THE PARK (blues) Blue Lakes CA 29 July 1999 *
Another werewolf in the park / Another vampire in the dark
Another ET in my head / Another succubus in my bed
Another demon made me fart / Another werewolf in the park
-
Another mountain top on fire / Another wave of raw desire
Another mind-control attack / Another prophet turning back
Another arrow in my heart / Another werewolf in the park
-
Another undead politician / Another unlicenced mortician
Another flying-saucer fleet / Some more stigmata in my feet
Another pirate treasure chart / Another werewolf in the park
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