Gingrich The Newt

by the Austin Lounge Lizards
(from the album, Small Minds)

An e-mail acquaintance of Greg's, whose name is temporarily lost in an archive on some dusty floppy, passed along the following song some years ago and prefaced it with this statement:
Nor do I like the man, or his politics, or even his name. I chose Newt as my handle ages ago, and added an extra T (at the suggestion of a friend) after some nick-collision on IRC. In any case, here is a little ditty that well expresses my thoughts on the subject:

We'd like to set the record straight by singing of the newt
For newts are open-minded; they are flexible and cute
A newt can breathe in water and a newt can breathe on land
And if you are a different critter newts will understand

Newts are not mean-spirited; they never are unfair
Newts are not underhanded and are not afraid to share
Newts do not have bad haircuts because newts are lacking hair
But the newt called Gingrich drives all true newts to despair

        Gingrich the Newt's a disgrace to the name
        When true newts see him they feel so ashamed
        He's the one black sheep of the newt family
        The one rotten fruit on the newt family tree

Newts don't prey on other newts; in that they don't believe
And you will never catch a newt with something up her sleeve
They're tolerant of different environments and so
They don't send little newties to the orphanage to grow

        What kind of newt wears a suit and a tie
        And frightens small children as he rushes by?
        But we admit that his suit suits him good
        Much more discreet than a sheet and a hood

A newt may be cold blooded but she won't go to extremes
And you can trust a newt to be exactly what she seems
Newts are sorry if you're sad; they're happy if you're gay
But Gingrich is perverse, and worse: he's proud to be that way

Gingrich the Newt is puffed up like a toad
So full of himself that he's bound to explode
And then we'll raise up our tails in salute
A fitting tribute to that horse's patoot, Gingrich the Newt

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Last modified 23 July 2006 by Greg Roelofs, you betcha.