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Misha Riszkiewicz Hip Surgery 2007                              email Mish or call 707 823-3419

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By summer 2007, Mish was back to his usual pranks:

On 2/3/07, Mish (right) has a friend (Jefferson Rice), and a cane, to lean on:

Click here to jump to Susan's Report and movie link  

Mish writes:

This is the story of creation, as witnessed by me. All in this story is true, so help me God.

And on the first day, God, honorable Dr. Briant Smith created a bionic man. (the fact that he was a God was confirmed by Every nurse on his staff).  I have met God Smith previously, and made arrangement to receive a hand carved ironwood replacement hip. I have also made a request to make one leg longer, so that the future operation on the opposite side would make proper adjustment in my stature. Trusting God, I went into a sedated state, slowly losing all feeling below my rib cage due to the effect of spinal anesthesia. The only recollection I have of the following couple of hours, was the tapping sound made by the golden hammer, as the shaft of my new replacement was driven in with precise movements of the expert hand. The time floated, and when I opened my eyes, there was my Eve, Susan, with that familiar smile. I was perplexed, for she was completely dressed. I gave her thumbs up sign, while pressing the morphine button to make me drift off again.

And on the second day I was awakened by Angel Raul, who was making a visit prior to his trip to Home Depot. He disappeared as soon as Eve showed up, again in her full regalia, this time wearing patented purple pumps as she break-danced toward my bed. We hugged, but that was all. A procession of nurse angels pushed her away from my bed. They all disappeared, as physical therapy nurse Nancy made encouraging motions for me to get out of bed. With the rays of sun streaking behind her, and trumpets blaring, I was left not a choice but to follow her. Three steps forward, three steps back, and I slung back into a chair, breaking out in an uncontrollable shakes caused by fear and anxiety, the chill penetrating deep into my body. To the rescue came angel Nurse Israel, covering me up with tons of blankets (he later confessed to stealing them, but for good cause). I returned to my bed, hoping to find peace warmth, and the morphine e-button. My memory is a bit faded, but I remember frequent interruptions by angel nurses, dieticians requesting orders from menus, vampires sending their angels to sample my blood type. Then another God, honorable Dr. Ganzelle, came in to make sure I was alive, changed my dressing and informed me that he demolished Dr. Smith in their battle for control of the universe, and that he would check on me again next day. Drifting off again, I can only remember the admiration on all the angel nurses faces as they brushed against the God Dr. Ganzelle. When I woke up, an incredible colorfully arranged tray of nectar was placed in front of me. Knowing the other story of creation, I would not be tempted. I feared getting addicted to this food. Knowing ; this paradise was not eternal, I was preparing myself to face the real world. Press the morphine button. 

And on the third day I did not see angel Raul, since it was Sunday and Home Depot was closed. But other angels showed up. Eve Susan was there first, and I fed her the fabulous breakfast which I was served, and she ate it, and she saw the light and took her clothes off, and I felt a tingle near my newly replaced hip. And I was overwhelmed by the hordes of visiting angels. St. David came to invite me on a motorcycle trip to Argentina, but was interrupted by P.T. Nancy, who took me on a trip down the hall. I was amazed at my speed of movement, and had to downshift to reverse so that Nancy could be at my side. It was after my first pilgrimage that I fully understood what happened. God Dr. Smith reneged on his promises, and installed titanium replacement. No more iron man marathons, only bionics. And I was quickly becoming cognizant of the great understanding of Einstein’s theory of relativity Dr. Smith had. He knew that there was no reason for lengthening my leg, since that would naturally occur as my speed reaches the speed of light (my deep apologies to you, doc, for any doubts I previously festered). And God Dr. Gansel came again for a check up, followed closely by Nurse Barbara, who was confused between me and the doctor as to who the patient was. and Mikel and Jeannine, and Kirk and Lena, and Jeff and Ina arrived, but I by now I was moving so fast, they appeared a blur. And St. Jerry came, but I was too exhausted to visit, and Nurse Israel sang lullabies, and I drifted to sleep

And on the fourth day I was kicked out of paradise. Infused with a pint of blood, all the tubes came out and I looked in the mirror, and I saw an unshaved face. And I was chained to a wheel chair for fear that I would run away without paying the bill. And I said I was not as cheap as my friend Casper, and paid it on the spot without haggling over the price. And Eve Susan was waiting at the gates, with the engine running, and I told her it was a good thing it was a turbo so that she could keep up with me while I jogged home. She was barely able to, my walker providing the needed handicap. And we arrived home and I was tired, and Speedo came to me but immediately ran away to chase gophers. And we set up a bed on our couch, and preferring hospital cuisine I sent Susan back to the hospital where she bought our lunch/dinner. And we feasted, and watched a movie my family sent us, as they were trying to raise capital for their new start-up. And I chased Speedo around the house, and I could keep up with her. And I saw the star of Riszkiewicz in the sky as I was falling asleep.

And on the fifth day everyone called. Rosanna threatened a lawsuit if I refused to buy stock in the movie company. Mother called asking if she could stop praying for me, for she was tired by now, and could she believe me that I was already moving. I tried to re-assure her, but she kept on saying she did not trust me, and hung up. And my sister called, and said she dialed the wrong number. And Max called asking me to write his collage paper. And I looked at my watch and it was 5 am, and I tried to go back to sleep. I drifted off for a few hours, and when I woke up Susan insisted that I make her a sandwich for lunch, for that was decreed by the liberated woman act paragraph #295. And I begged her to let me read the paper and have my coffee before doing it, and she was gracious. And Linda brought a lunch plate and a fruit plate, and I still longed for hospital food. And the home-visiting P.T. John came to enlighten me on my new powers, and said that the height of my walker was too high and that it was only my wishful thinking. And he made me march up and down and backwards with my eyes closed. And then home-visiting Nurse Susan (not to be confused with Eve Susan) arrived and drew more blood, and I understood that when Kaiser gave me blood before leaving the hospital, it was only on loan. And I tried to sleep but everyone called. And Eve Susan came home, and made me watch some movies, which were not nearly as exciting as the ones my family sent me, so I slept through them. And then I really fell asleep.

And on the sixth day again I was forced to make lunch for Eve Susan, again I begged for time to read the paper and have coffee, and she allowed me to do so, and I knew our marriage was harmonious and would last a long time. And when she left, I did the crossword puzzle in 22 seconds, and I realized a splinter of my bionic hip drifted to my brain. And St. David showed up again and told me that he would load wood by the stove if I would follow him to Argentina. We sealed the deal, although I knew it would make trouble in my marriage. And Ted and Ann Marie came to have lunch and told me about their contractor taking two years to complete their kitchen remodel, and I immediately signed up to be Ted’s contractor’s apprentice. And when all left, I was tired again, and went to sleep, and the phone kept ringing, and I learned that I could sleep and answer the phone at the same time. And Eve Susan came home, and again brought my favorite hospital food, so I knew my deal with St. David was on shaky ground. And I called my cousin Rosanna to see if I could break the contract with David, and she advised me my fate was sealed, and instantly sent me a bill. Watching a movie about Frank Lloyd Wright, I thought I could make roofs leak just as well as he did. And that thought put me to sleep.

And on the seventh day I was not allowed to rest. Make tea, make breakfast, make lunch, make the dog stop barking… So I was glad the contract I signed with David was not dated. And Eve Susan told me I better write this story of creation for all our children to remember. And by the end of the day I was spent, and had a downturn in my progress when I realized that my typing speed has not improved any. And I called the hospital and asked for another surgery to remedy that. And then Elizabeth and her boyfriend came to cook dinner for me, and I had to teach them how to do it, and how to load a dishwasher. Exhausted I fell into bed.

And on the eighth day I could not move.

Signed and notarized.   Mish

p.s. to all my friends and family, thank you for the support, caring and your love.

Susan writes:

1/20/07: Mish's first outing today: to Andy's Produce Stand (download the movie here.  This link will expire by 1/27/07). 

1/19/07: He's graduated to a cane!

1/17/07: It's frightening how Mish's True Personality has returned.  Watch out.  By the time this is over, he'll be a master of the remote. 

1/16/07: He's 60!  And by next week he'll be walking like he's 50, because the PT who visited today wants to start weaning him off the walker.

1/15/07 noon: he's home!  And while he's pretty self sufficient, Susan could use a break. If you're available please email her. 

1/14/07 8 p.m.: Mish walked two more times this afternoon, making a 100-foot hallway traverse under the watchful eye of Nurses' Assistant Karl.  He got back all the blood he had deposited at the Blood Bank, and all the tubes are out.  He's on his own now, although a number of professionals are monitoring the activities of his digestive system with great interest.  Ken phoned, and Jeff and Ina, David, and Jerry dropped by, and Mish apologizes for falling asleep in midsentence.  Wait . . . did I write "apologize"?  I stand corrected: he acknowledged that he conked out, and urges you not to take it personally.

1/14/07 11:30 a.m.: Raul was on the job first thing in the a.m., tag-teaming with Susan.  Mish is eating, and his sense of humor is returning -- YIKES!  Raul, take back my husband, please!  Coached by PT Nancy, Mish walked out of his room and down the hall.  They say he's doing great.  He says his hip feels solid but his muscles hurt, and Mish is discouraged that Dr. Smith didn't lengthen his leg four inches as requested.  The good news is that both legs are the same length as each other.  This afternoon Nurse Barbara will give him a nursely workover, and PT Nancy will return for another stroll.  More tubes were removed; Dr. Gansel says by tomorrow he'll be completely detached and possibly sent home.  The usual suspects phoned, plus Ted and AnneMarie, and Scott.  To all Mish sends a kiss. 

1/13/07 8 p.m.: A steady stream of nursing assistants, doctors, nurses, heavy-lifters, phlebotomists, LVNs, physical therapists, dieticians, and other experts passed by Mish's bed all day.  Most of them asked him how he rated his pain, and he always said "level two" which means it's not too bad.  The Ladies of Pilgrim Park contributed some verdant bedside decor with a note saying that however much Speedo may be missed it's okay for Mish to take his time getting back to work.  Mikel and Jeannine and Jim and Lena and Kirk all came by during the afternoon to help Mish work up his appetite.  He gobbled up his first real meal with expert coaching from Nurse Israel.  Afterwards he and his roommate Mark conspired to clear the room of female visitors by synchronizing their televisions to the Saints' game. It worked.

1/13/07 11:00 a.m.: Raul's van was already in the parking lot when I arrived at the hospital this morning.  Mish said he had a pretty easy night.  A few tubes were removed.  Both Dr. Gansel and day-nurse Barbara indicate that he's doing well, possibly slightly better than expected.  They emphasize that his fleaweight, athleticism, and youth all work to his advantage.  His good looks don't hurt, either.  Rozanna and Rima and Rachel phoned to convey the world's best wishes.  Kirk sent an encouraging letter from the CHP.  Spurred by the promise of a pickup tennis game down the hall, Mish got out of bed with the help of Physical Therapist Nancy.  He took a few steps to a bedside chair, and sat down, having been told that even if he made it to the game the racquets are under lock and key.  That disappointing news put him right to sleep.  A while later PT Nancy returned to help him back into bed, and that led to another nap.  Nurse Barbara says this is the most difficult day.  Dr. Gansel says to expect geometric improvement over the next two days, with a likely release Monday. 

1/12/07, 8 p.m.: At the last minute the surgeon decided not to install the wooden hip joint Mish had carved for himself, and put in the "Ferrari" version instead. No bubble gum or epoxy was needed to glue it all together, said Dr. Smith.  Raul was there first thing in the a.m. to joke around with the prep nurses and David came in the middle of the day.  Raul and Ellia and Shovanny arrived once Mish was installed in his room (#401) and Jeff visited later.  Mish was still pretty groggy in the evening although he could smile and translate Spanish and English backwards and forwards.  Israel is his most-attentive swing-shift nurse.  Tomorrow the physical therapist will swoop in around breakfast time, followed by doctor's rounds.  He's supposed to start walking immediately.  Things will probably be quietest in the middle of the day, and he'll be much funnier, as the patient-administered morphine drip will start.

1/11/07: Surgery is scheduled at Kaiser Santa Rosa for Friday a.m. January 12.  The hot tub is working (just in time!).

1/07/07: Tomales Bay

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