The issue centers upon my ability – or inability – simply to be able to speak up. It arose at work this time, in the following form. My work load was too heavy so I was assigned an assistant. This assistant helped and tried hard, but sometimes didn't try too hard at all, and made many mistakes. He didn't think these mistakes were such a big deal. I would quietly fix the mistakes and then get back to my own work.
I was protecting my assistant, but in the end I did more harm than good to him and to myself, because my work load got heavier and I was fixing more of his mistakes. Suddenly I was resenting him, and feeling sorry for myself for having too much work. At the same time I was grateful to have any help.
I had to put an end to it. I stepped out of my comfort zone and deliberately confronted my problem in a way different than I’d done in the past. It was a very hard and uncomfortable task.
I spoke up, despite being worried that I would hurt my assistant’s feelings. Although I may not have done it “perfectly,” I'm glad now that I did. I can handle my work load better now, and I have a more experienced assistant. We both benefited because I spoke up.
I've taken a look at it, and have seen the place in myself from which this habit stemmed. I can see how silly I've been in the past by not speaking up in similar situations. I even used to pride myself for handling uncomfortable issues by avoiding speaking up.
Now I'm seeing my habit from a different perspective. In retrospect I feel lighter and proud of myself for taking a different stand than I have in the past.
If, like most habits, this one returns, I will not be surprised. Thus I remain alert and watchful, and ready to exercise my new skills.
Maybe now I will get a completely different message?