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Welcome to My Vampire Page.

Forgive me if I'm a bit bloodthirsty . . .

After all, I haven't had a bite in a while.
So come in, and turn your head a little to the left, please.

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"Never sign anything in blood. It wastes precious fluid, and it clogs the pen." --Elena Alecsandri

Things I've always wondered:
  1. What about Jewish vampires? Does the vampire hunter have to use a Star of David?
  2. . . . And if he or she does, what about the poor vampire--how to keep Kosher?
  3. What about vegetarian vampires? Do they drink carrot juice or tree sap?
  4. Do they have hollow teeth to suck through (like straws)?
  5. What if the person was born at sea? Would his home earth be the ocean bottom at that spot where the boat was when he or she was born? Does the vampire have to carry a coffin full of water? Or is it the home earth wherever the person is made a vampire?
  6. What if he or she was made a vampire while at sea? Wouldn't the same problems apply?
  7. Related to the above questions: What about being born aboard a jet aircraft, or being made a vampire aboard one?
  8. Imagine vampire astronauts. Now, what about being in orbit, where the sun appears above the horizon about once an hour. You get up. You go back to bed. You get up. You go back to bed. . .
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  9. I never bought the thing about mirrors. It would mean vampires wouldn't show up on film, in any reflective surface, and probably wouldn't have shadows. In this case, light wouldn't bounce off them, so how would they be visible, in our minds only? Okay, then we're hallucinating. Why can't vampires make their images appear in mirrors for those who are around them?
  10. Wouldn't Italian vampires starve to death if they couldn't stand garlic?
  11. Why do movie makers portray vampires as having teeth like walruses?
  12. For that matter, why have all movie makers and television people suddenly started to make vampires extremely ugly whenever they want a little blood? Granted, the original myth came from reanimated dead bodies, but what is this thing with the demonic visage and the green or red eyes? Bela Lugosi never even had fangs that showed. There was a time when vampires were supposed to be beautiful and seductive. What happened?
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    Blood!  I must have blood!

  13. How do you put on makeup without the aid of mirrors? Do you hire someone?
  14. Why are there so few strong female leads for vampires? There are great possibilities out there.
  15. If the trick to killing a vampire (one among many) is to put a stake through its heart, why do they always aim for the breastbone or the stomach? Wouldn't you think Dr. Van Helsing or whoever would know some basic anatomy?
  16. Wouldn't it be more efficient to simply fill the vampire full of wooden crossbow bolts or wooden arrows, thus making sure the heart was pierced by a wooden stake?
  17. Why am I trying to apply logic to all this?
  18. How did vampires become associated with bats? Vampire bats weren't discovered until long after vampires were known in various mythologies. The vampire bat is a New World creature.
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My, you look tasty!

Our links:

Home Page
Site map
Need a laugh? Go to our comics page.
Island of the Mighty Tick Page!
Visit the Vampire Poetry Page!
White Knight Trapped in Darkness - Forever Knight Site
What if Martha Stewart was a vampire?--find out here.
A fun short story, Too Much At Stake
/ Forever Knight Story Board - featuring "A Return to Forever," an ongoing story begun by the Forever Knight Writers' Guild, and continued by me / Visit our links page!

Take heart!

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This page was updated 2/13/2006
Don't take any wooden stakes! Bye for now! . . . And don't take any wooden stakes! :-[