You've Had Too Much Coffee When...
 - You ski uphill.- You get a speeding ticket even when you're 
 parked.- You speed walk in your sleep.
 - You answer the door before people knock.
 - Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
 - You have a bumper sticker that reads:  Coffee drinkers are good 
 in the sack. 
 - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. 
 -  You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. 
 - You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
 - You sleep with your eyes open.
 - You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
 - The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
 - You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using 
 the timer.
 -  You lick your coffee pot clean. 
 -  You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House" 
 -  You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you 
 don't even work there. 
 - You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
 -  Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. 
 -  You chew on other people's fingernails. 
 -  Cocaine is a downer.
 - The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
 -  All your kids are named "Joe" 
 -  Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low" 
 -  You buy 1/2 and 1/2 by the barrel.
 - Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their 
 margaritas.     
 - You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. 
 - You can jump-start your car without cables.
 -  You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
 -  You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. 
 -  You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. 
 - You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
 - You don't sweat, you percolate.
 - You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not 
 plugged in.
 -  Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down. 
 -  You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. 
 -  Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. 
 -  Instant coffee takes too long. 
 - People get dizzy just watching you.
 - When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. 
 Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."    
 - The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.     
 - Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
 - You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.     
 - People can test their batteries in your ears.     
 - Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.     
 - You channel surf faster without a remote.
 -  When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last 
 drop." 
 -  You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a
 coffee can. 
 -  Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. 
 - You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
 - You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
 -  You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. 
 -  You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar" 
 -  Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. 
 -  You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. 
 -  You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. 
 -  Your 3 favorite things in life are:  coffee before, coffee during 
 and coffee after. 
 -  You can't even remember your second cup. 
 -  You help your dog chase its tail. 
 - You get drunk just so you can sober up.
 - You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
 - Your Thermos is on wheels.
 -  You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. 
 -  You introduce your spouse as your "CoffeeMate" 
 -  Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hookup.  
 - You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
 - You short out motion detectors.
 - You have a conniption over spilled milk.
 - You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
 - Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
 - You don't tan, you roast.
 - You don't get mad, you get steamed.
 - Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
 - You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
 
 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
 This is the ORIGINAL Joke of the Day!  Millions of humorous 
 e-mails sent around the globe since 1994!
 To be ADDED:  Send SUBSCRIBE JOKE to jokelist@joker.org
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 We secretly replaced the dilithium with Folger's Crystals

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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