Reprinted without permission
 
 BEFUDDLED PC USERS FLOOD HELP LINES, AND NO QUESTION SEEMS TO BE TOO BASIC
 
 AUSTIN, Texas -  The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get
 her new Dell computer to turn on.  Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. 
 technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the 
 woman what happened when she pushed the power button.
 
 "I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the 
 woman replied.  "Foot pedal?" the technician asked.  "Yes," the woman 
 said, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch."  The "foot 
 pedal," it turned out, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device 
 that helps to control the computer's operations.
 
 Personal-computer makers are discovering that it's still a low-tech 
 world out there.  While they are finally having great success selling 
 PCs to households, they now have to deal with people to whom monitors 
 and disk drives are a foreign as another language.
 
 "It is rather mystifying to get this nice, beautiful machine and not 
 know anything about it," says Ed Shuler, a technician who helps field 
 consumer calls at Dell's headquarters here.  "It's going into unfamiliar 
 territory," adds Gus Kolias, vice president of customer service and 
 training for Compaq Computer Corp.  "People are looking for a comfort level."
 
 Only two years ago, most calls to PC help lines came from techies 
 needing help on complex problems.  But now, with computer sales to homes 
 exploding as new "multimedia" functions gain mass appeal, PC makers say 
 that as many as 70% of their calls come from rank novices.  Partly 
 because of the volume of calls, some computer companies have started 
 charging help-line users.
 
 The questions are often so basic that they could have been answered by 
 opening the manual that comes with every machine.  One woman called Dell's 
 toll-free line to ask how to install batteries in her laptop.  When 
 told that the directions were on the first page of the manual, says Steve
 Smith, Dell director of technical support, the woman replied angrily,
 "I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing, and I'm not going to read a book."
 
 Indeed, it seems that these buyers rarely refer to a manual when a phone 
 is at hand.  "If there is a book and a phone and they're side by side, 
 the phone wins time after time," says Craig McQuilkin, manager of 
 service marketing for AST Research, Inc. in Irvine, Calif.  "It's a 
 phenomenon of people wanting to talk to people."
 
 And do they ever.  Compaq's help center in Houston, Texas, is inundated 
 by some 8,000 consumer calls a day, with inquiries like this one related 
 by technician John Wolf: "A frustrated customer called, who said her 
 brand new Contura would not work.  She said she had unpacked the unit, 
 plugged it in, opened it up and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for 
 something to happen.  When asked what happened when she pressed the 
 power switch, she asked, 'What power switch?'"
 
 Seemingly simple computer features baffle some users.  So many people have
 called to ask where the "any" key is when "Press Any Key" flashes on the
 screen that Compaq is considering changing the command to "Press Return Key."
 
 Some people can't figure out the mouse.  Tamra Eagle, an AST technical 
 support supervisor, says one customer complained that her mouse was hard 
 to control with the "dust cover" on.  The cover turned out to be the 
 plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.  Dell technician Wayne Zieschang 
 says one of his customers held the mouse and pointed it at the screen, 
 all the while clicking madly.  The customer got no response because the 
 mouse works only if it's moved over a flat surface.
 
 Disk drives are another bugaboo.  Compaq technician Brent Sullivan says 
 a customer was having trouble reading word-processing files from his 
 old diskettes.  After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to 
 diagnose the problem, Mr. Sullivan asked what else was being done with 
 the diskette.  The customer's response: "I put a label on the diskette, 
 roll it into the typewriter..."
 
 At AST, another customer dutifully complied with a technician's request 
 that she send in a copy of a defective floppy disk.  A letter from the 
 customer arrived a few days later, along with a Xerox copy of the floppy.
 And at Dell, a technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy
 back in the drive and "close the door." Asking the technician to "hold on,"
 the customer put the phone down and was heard walking over to shut the
 door to his room.  The technician meant the door to his floppy drive.
 
 The software inside the computer can be equally befuddling.  A Dell 
 customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.  
 After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man 
 was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor 
 screen and hitting the "send" key.
 
 Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so Dell
 technician Gary Rock referred him to the local Egghead.  "Yeah, I got me 
 a couple of friends," the customer replied.  When told Egghead was a 
 software store, the man said, "Oh! I thought you meant for me to find a 
 couple of geeks."
 
 No realizing how fragile computers can be, some people end up damaging 
 parts beyond repair.  A Dell customer called to complain that his 
 keyboard no longer worked.  He had cleaned it, he said, filling up his 
 tub with soap and water and soaking his keyboard for a day, and then 
 removing all the keys and washing them individually.
 
 Computers make some people paranoid.  A Dell technician, Morgan Vergara, 
 says he once calmed a man who became enraged because "his computer had 
 told him he was bad and an invalid."  Mr. Vergara patiently explained 
 that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be 
 taken personally.
 
 These days PC-help technicians increasingly find themselves taking on 
 the role of amateur psychologists.  Mr. Shuler, the Dell technician, who 
 once worked as a psychiatric nurse, says he defused a potential domestic 
 fight by soothingly talking a man through a computer problem after the 
 man had screamed threats at his wife and children in the background.
 
 There are also the lonely hearts who seek out human contact, even if it 
 happens to be a computer techie.  One man from New Hampshire calls Dell 
 every time he experiences a life crisis.  He gets a technician to walk 
 him through some contrived problem with his computer, apparently feeling 
 uplifted by the process.
 
 "A lot of people want reassurance," says Mr. Shuler.
 
 Addendum:
 A lady called and told the technician her cupholder
 no longer worked on her new computer. The Tech asked whether the cupholder was
 her addition to the front of the machine or had the dealer installed it?
 The lady relied "It came with the machine I'm sure." Perplexed, the Tech asked
 for any markings or documentaion. The lady responded " I don't have any
 paperwork but the front of the cupholder has a little "4x" on it.

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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