Letter from a daughter to her parents:
 ------------------------------------------------------
 Dear Mom and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for
 college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for
 my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up
 to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO
 READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!
 
 Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and
 the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory
 when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed
 now. I only get those sick headaches once a day.
 
 Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by
 an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who
 called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at
 the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned
 out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment
 with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a
 very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to
 be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before
 my pregnancy begins to show.
 
 Yes Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking
 forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby
 and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was
 a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my
 boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our
 pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This
 will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.
 I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is
 kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is
 of a different race and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed
 tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his
 skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him
 as I do.  His family background is good too, for I am told that his
 father is an important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which
 he came.
 
 Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that
 there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull
 fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not
 engaged. I do not have syphillis and there is no man (of any color)
 in my life. However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in
 Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper
 perspective..
 
 Yours,
 Your Loving Daughter
 
 From: Dave

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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