If Operating Systems were Airlines...
 
 DOS AIR
 All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane,
 push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the
 ground again.  Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the
 air, hop on, etcetera.
 
 WINDOWS '95 AIRLINES
 The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very
 attractive and the pilots very capable.  The fleet is immense.  After
 your plane arrives 6 months late, you begin to wonder why it has
 not arrived yet.  Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above
 the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it crashes without warning.
 
 MAC AIRWAYS
 The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel
 the same and act the same.  When asked questions about the flight
 they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and
 would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
 
 OS/2 SKYWAYS
 The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers
 milling about.  Airline personnel walk around, apologising profusely
 to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the
 sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field.  They tell
 each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets
 and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will
 have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight
 systems.
 
 FLY WINDOWS NT
 All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the
 chairs in the outline of a plane.  They all sit down, flap their arms
 and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
 
 WINGS of OS/400
 The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest
 planes that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails to make them
 look as if they are fast.   The flight attendants, of course, attend
 to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop.  Stupid questions
 cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first
 class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club.
 
 MVS AIRLINES
 The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of
 technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft.
 This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers.
 All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of
 200 technicians.  The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit.
 He guns the engines, only to realise that the plane is too big to get
 through the hangar doors!
 
 UNIX EXPRESS
 Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to
 the airport.  They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what
 kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together.  Eventually,
 they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name.
 Some passengers actually reach their destinations.  All passengers believe
 they got there.
 

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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