AN ANNOTATED THERMOMETER (degrees Fahrenheit)
 
   +50
 ~ New York tenants turn on the heat
 ~ Minnesotans plant gardens
 
   +40
 ~ Californians shiver uncontrollably
 ~ Minnesotans sunbathe
 
   +35
 ~ Italian cars don't start
 
   +32
 ~ Distilled water freezes
 
   +30
 ~ You can see your breath
 ~ You plan a vacation to Florida
 ~ Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
 ~ Minnesotans eat ice cream
 
   +25
 ~ Boston water freezes
 ~ Californians weep pitiably
 ~ Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
 
   +20
 ~ Cleveland water freezes
 ~ San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
 ~ Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
 ~ Moustache hairs start to freeze
 
   +15
 ~ You plan a vacation in CANCUN!!!!!
 ~ Minnesotans go swimming
 
   +10
 ~ Too cold to snow
 ~ You need jumper cables to get the car going
 ~ Nose hairs begin to freeze
 
   0
 ~ New York landlords turn on the heat
 ~ Beards begin to freeze
 
   -5
 ~ You can hear your breath
 ~ You plan a vacation to Hawaii
 
   -10
 ~ American cars don't start
 ~ Too cold to skate
 
   -15
 ~ You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
 ~ Miamians cease to exist
 ~ Minnesotans lick flagpoles
 
   -20
 ~ Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
 ~ People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens
 
   -25
 ~ Too cold to kiss
 ~ You need jumper cables to get the driver going
 ~ Japanese cars don't start
 ~ Minnesota Twins head for spring training
 
   -30
 ~ You plan a two-week hot bath
 ~ Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
 
   -38
 ~ Mercury freezes
 ~ Too cold to think
 ~ Minnesotans button top button
 
   -40
 ~ Californians disappear
 ~ Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
 ~ Minnesotans put on sweaters
   -50
 ~ Congressional hot air freezes
 ~ Alaskans close the bathroom window
 ~ Green Bay Packers practice indoors
 
   -60
 ~ Walruses abandon Aleutians
 ~ Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
 ~ Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
 
   -70
 ~ Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey
 ~ nets
 ~ Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo, WI
 
   -80
 ~ Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
 ~ Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
 
   -90
 ~ Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
 ~ Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer
 
   -100
 ~ Santa Claus abandons North Pole
 ~ Minnesotans pull down earflaps
 
   -173
 ~ Ethyl alcohol freezes
 
   -445
 ~ Superconductivity
 
   -452
 ~ Helium becomes a liquid
 
   -454
 ~ Hell freezes over
 
   -456
 ~ Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90
 
   -458
 ~ Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution
 
   -460  (Absolute Zero)
 ~ All atomic motion ceases
 ~ Minnesotans agree as to how it's getting a "mite nippy"
 
 
 From: Michelle
 
 

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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