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Great New Scientific Theories for the 1990s from the Internet
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If
omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian
"pahks" his "cah ," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to
"warsh" his car and invest in 'erl wells."
#4 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as
a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in
close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to
spin dangerously fast.
#3 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have
no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at
a faster rate.
#2 Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on
your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums
unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it
#1 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of
pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite
number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's
great literary works in Braille.
GRAND PRIZE WINNER
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet. And when toast is
dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose
to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover,
spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a
high speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
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wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com
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