INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT:
 You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept
 and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else
 a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of
 Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your
 dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
 If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the
 oven using these keystrokes:
 
 mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
 
 Then enter:
 
 ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
 
 If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press start.
 The oven will set itself and cook the dinner. If you have a Unix microwave
 oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner found on the
 package label, the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking
 and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the
 dinner exactly to your specification.
 
 Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven
 must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the
 oven and enter:
 
 ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap
 
 This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then
 doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your oven vendor. The
 oven itself is obviously on the blink.
 
 Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than
 the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are
 empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in
 your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.
 
 Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken
 variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft
 Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety.
 Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.
 
 Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their
 chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size.
 Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in
 Microsoft approved packaging.
 
 Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that
 version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in
 advance.
 
 Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer,
 causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your
 freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.
 
 Because e-mail can be altered electronically, the integrity of this
 communication cannot be guaranteed.
 
 
 From: Michelle

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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