Here's some blues to cheer up your day.
 
 (attrib. to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky)
 1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."
 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless 
 you stick something nasty in the next line.
 
 I got a good woman--
 with the meanest dog in town.
 
 3. Blues are simple.  After you have the first line right, 
 repeat it.  Then find something that rhymes.  Sort of.
 
 Got a good woman
 with the meanest dog in town.
 He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
 and he weighs about 500 pounds.
 
 4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
 5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs.  Other acceptable 
 blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train.  
 Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle.  So does fixin' 
 to die.
 
 6. Teenagers can't sing the blues.  Adults sing the blues.  
 Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you
 shoot a man in Memphis.
 
 7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn 
 or Queens.  Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a
 depression.  Chicago, St.  Louis and Kansas City are still 
 the best places to have the blues.
 
 8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
 a. violet
 b. beige
 c. mauve
 
 9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, 
 the lighting is wrong.
 
 10. Good places for the Blues:
 a. the highway
 b. the jailhouse
 c. the empty bed
 Bad places:
 a. Ashrams
 b. Gallery openings
 c. weekend in the Hamptons
 
 11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, 
 unless you happen to be an old black man.
 
 12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
 Yes, if:
 a. your first name is a southern state -- like Georgia
 b. you're blind
 c. you shot a man in Memphis.
 d. you can't be satisfied.
 No, if:
 a. you were once blind but now can see.
 b. you're deaf
 c. you have a trust fund.
 13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the 
 blues.
 14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the 
 blues.
 Other blues beverages are:
 a. Wine
 b. Irish whiskey
 c. Muddy water
 Blues beverages are NOT:
 a. Any mixed drink
 b. Any wine kosher for Passover
 c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
 15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues
 death.  Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to 
 die.  So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied
 treatment in an emergency room.  It is not a blues death, if you die 
 during a liposuction treatment.
 
 16. Some Blues names for Women
 a. Sadie
 b. Big Mama
 c. Bessie
 
 17. Some Blues Names for Men
 a. Joe
 b. Willie
 c. Little Willie
 d. Lightning
 
 Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be 
 permitted to
 sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
 17B. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)
 a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, 
 Asthmatic)
 b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
 c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
 
 Mix and Match
 
 From: Michelle
 
 

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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