[Quotes Page #1]

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"Well, that just about takes the cake, platter and tablecloth." -Jakkon the Fox

"Are you gonna shoot me? If so, you may wanna lower that gun a little." -Mob Leader, some Mob Movie

"Just forget it. All I am is roadkill on the road of life." -Colin the Hedgehog

"Open the door, then walk through." -Garfield

"Everybody makes mistakes. Just some are a lot stupider than others." -Louis Davidson, "Myself"

"Time is Evil, Nature is a whore, Reality is master, Infinite, Evermore..." -From the Book of Geonega Chapter 13, Section 9

"Maybe he's constipated." -Colin the Hedgehog

"It's just a rabbit." -Monty Python, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

"This may be fun after all . . ." -Puck, Gargoyles episode "The Mirror"

"Nice jail. Looks strong." -Houdini

"This is the sacred Greenguy. If you are not nice, he will slobber all over you." -Matt H.

"Nice snakie . . . good snakie . . ." -Dude from Anaconda

"So you're named Pounce? What, you a cat or somethin'?" -Derek J. Echidna

"Who says love can't be a living?" -Dirk Diggler, "Boogie Nights"

"Welcome to the Illuminati Society, fellow Nazis." -Barney

"B.F.F does NOT stand for Big Fat Furry!" -Wendy Marie Brace

"What are you, sick or something?" -Marilyn Manson

"Okay, ha ha, guys. Very funny. You can open the cage now." -Fred Savage

"I love you! Just thought I'd embarrass you outright!" -Cher Echidna

"Read the entire 4-issue story before deciding whether or not you like what we're doing, okay?" -Ken Penders, an actual E-mail to me

"No relation." -Aahz, "Another Fine Myth"

"Squish like grape . . ." -Mr. Miyagi, "The Karate Kid"

"Grammar? Who needs grammar?" -Dinghy da Otter

"AAAAAAAWHADDAYAMEANI'MEDGY!?!?!" -Lady Wolfette

"Happy Birthday, FyreStreak! Do you like your cake extra crispy?" -R'chaka the Dragon

"Places to go and people to be." -Shapeshifter's Motto

"People fighting over who owns the land is like fleas fighting over who owns the dog." -Crocodile Dundee

"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor." -Dave the Wino, "His Life"

"Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it." -Heath the Philospher

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day." -Retracted Version of Famous Quote

"A fool and his money are soon partying." -Dweasel da Weasel, "Uprise"

"Humans love a battle hearty; so does Puck, come on, let's party!" -Puck, Gargoyles episode "The Mirror"

"If at first you don't succeed, eradicate all evidence that you tried." -Government Motto

"Practice makes perfect, so be careful what you practice." -Jakkon the Fox

"You can't eat your friends and have them too." -Dragon Wisdom

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." -Ziggy

"You can tell alot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans." -Ronald Reagan

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." -Charles Schultz

"The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously." -Hubert Humphrey

"Let's get back to the castle before the very air attacks us." -Tom the Guardian, Gargoyles series "Avalon"

"Immortality isn't about living forever, Xanatos. It's about what you do with the time you have." -Hudson, gargoyles episode "The Cage"

"What fools these mortals be!" -Puck, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"

"Little human, if you continue this, you shall discover that the term 'heat of battle' is usually a metaphor . . ." -R'chaka the Dragon, "Day of the Dragons"

"I like humans because they have a sense of humor. You have none." -Puck, Gargoyles episode "The Mirror"

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." -Walt Disney

"Roads? Where we're going we don't need . . . roads." -Doc Brown, "Back to the Future III"

"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic." -Joseph Stalin

"If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?" -Albert Einstein

"Eagles are highly overrated. Weasels fly just as eagles do, only weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." -Dweasel da Weasel, "Uprise"

"Did you say, that human or that human? Oh, nevermind, I'll figure it out." -Puck, Gargoyles episode "The Mirror"

"Yesterday a guy cut me off in traffic. I said unto him, Be fruitful and multiply, but not in those words." -Woody Allen

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have all died." -Erma Bombeck

"Please. We prefer 'The Hippie Republic.' " -Dinghy da Otter, "Dark Future"

"Actually, I refer to it as being 'vertically challenged.' " -Tad'allowmar the Dwarf, "Warcraft II"

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest man." -Willy Wonka, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"

"Even though the griffins seemed to be several fathoms away, they still moved more swiftly than I, and in a moment I was plucked adroitly from the hillside and in the air. Obviously, I did not continue with the motion of drawing my sword, because I have heard that death by slamming into the ground is quite unpleasant." -Quote from The Rune Blade

"Your 'reality' sir, is nothing but lies and balderdash, and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it, whatsoever!" -John Siemer

"Some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue." -Unknown

"I can please only one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either." -Mr. Nugent, History Teacher

"I plan on living forever. So far, so good." -Drake the Immortal

"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason." -Doonsbury

"First there was nothing. Then God said: "Let there be light!" Then, there was still nothing, but at least you could see it." -Jehovah 5:11

"I love you too, match breath." -FyreStreak, to R'chaka

"Huh. Well I'll be dipped." -Steel Dragon

"Soon the incantation was done and with the men only inches away, it really couldn't be much closer. They crashed into the magical wall, one after the other. They were puzzled at first, and it was like watching cavemen figure out a toaster. They poked it, prodded it, knocked on it. For the moment, Jack was forgotten." -Quote from Modern Magics

"Don't sniff that!" -Chemistry Professor

"The plot thins . . ." -Crow, Book Critic

"That's the end?" -Robert A. Heinlein, Author of Starship Troopers

"The best things in life are censored." -Woody Allen

"I am Lord Culex, creature of chaos, fear me! Please." -Lord Culex

"This is to Lady Wolfette, who bookmarked my guestbook instead of my page." -Derek James B.

"What do you get if you cross an iceberg with the Titanic? Halfway." -Moana Zulpilip

"Oh! I'm sorry, was that YOUR thermo-nuclear detonator?" -Dweasel da Weasel

"She died! And she got it RIGHT! Standing ovation!" -Momo, on mIRC

"You dropped your pocket." -A guy on drugs

"Ever heard of Lorraina Bobbit? You've never seen me on a true suger-high. Be afraid." -Lady Wolfette

"You're still up? It's midnight! That's it, I'm gonna personally turn you into a pumpkin now." -A Mother

"If I don't get connected to the 'net soon, I'm gonna start twitching." -An addicted person

"This is a war: you fight, you learn. You Live or Die. And death isn't much of a second place prize." -Hal_X, in a Warcraft Tournament

"Age is just a number . . ." -Chaos, "Evil Returns"

"If we shadows have offended just think this and all is mended
That you have but slumbered here
Whilst these visions did appear
And these visions you have seen
No more than an idle dream"
-Closing sequence to Midsummer Night's Dream

"Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke." - Obi Wan Gates

"Suicide Hotline...please hold." -An Unemployed Secretary

"To err is human, to forgive....$5.00" -Father Williams, "Hell in the Church"

"Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!" -Yoda

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" -Steven Wright

"The other day a woman came up to me and said, 'Didn't I see you on television?" I said, 'I don't know. You can't see out the other way.'" -Emo Phillips

"I've got magic pockets!" -Dinghy the Otter, "TimeScape"

"Anybody seen my hockey stick?" -Dinghy the Otter, 5 seconds later

"Aw, that's gonna leave a mark." -Garrett Fleming

"Let me introduce you to someone. This is Mr. Step. He goes up, he goes down. He doesn't go through." -Derek, to James

"I'm not prejudice, I just hate everybody." -Frank Dollar, quoting W. C. Fields

"I'm slippery. In wrestling, you have to be prepared for slippery opponents." -Coach Derek, to James

"Nobody's perfect. Well, almost nobody." -Superman, "Superman XXVIII"

"Always remember that you're just as unique as everyone else." -Unknown

"Kill me. Just kill me. Any time you're ready. Ow." -Derek James B. (Sound File)

"Gee, you're good at whining when you lose. It must happen a lot." -Lord Schlongor, at a Warcraft Tournament

"The lord works in mysterious ways. Unfortunately, so does the IRS." -Father Williams

"BazFaz? BAZFAZ? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU WROTE THAT??!?!?!? NOW, THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR BAZFAZ, THEY'RE AFTER ME!!!!!!! YES, YOU KNOW WHO THEY ARE! THANKS A LOT LITTLE MR. HOTSIE TOTSIE!!!!!! Thank you for your time. -Matt (This was an actual E-Mail to me)

"What? Bubba has nothing to do with this!" -Derek James B. (very audibly, at a school counsel) (Sound File)

"This is a note to Dinghy. Just so you know, the burping cult that Dweasel joined is over." -Derek

"Congratulations. You just won the idiot award." -Derek James B.

"You just did a very brave thing. Stupid. But brave." -Some Army Commander

"May you suffer the death of a thousand penguins!" -Josh Hogstrom

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits!" -Garfield

"May cows rain from the sky on your head!" -Derek

"Who's Bubba Manatee?" -Zed_Omega, "TimeScape"

"Well, our band name now isn't so bad. Originally I wanted it to be The Mighty Snowmen of Doom." *shrugs* -Derek

"Ya gotta dip . . . ya gotta doodle, ya gotta . . . shave grandma's poodle . . . 'cause grandma would do the same for yoooouuu . . ." -Adam Sandler lyrics, "Respect to the Grandmas"

"Did you see the guestbook? It loves when people sign it!" -Derek James B.

"For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not, no explanation will suffice." -David Blaine, magician

"There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?" -Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

"It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue." -Voltaire

"There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both plants and animals. When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis; and when the lights go out, they turn into animals. But then again, don't we all?" -Steve Monak, on human psychology

"Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one." -Steve Monak, on human

"These pills can't be habit forming; I've been taking them for years." -A patient

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Check it again." -Overseer Masaask, "Irradication"

"If you didn't have problems, you wouldn't need people around to help solve them. Conversely, if you didn't have people around, maybe you wouldn't have problems." -Mr. O 'Conner, Math T eacher

"When a fail-safe system fails, it fails by failing to be fail-safe." -Bob, on mechanics

"Evil is "live" spelled backwards." -A Mage, "Vengeance"

"The trouble with people is their trouble with people." -Kathy Hadden, Vice Principal

"Before you met any handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads." -The Fairy Godmother

"You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track." -Jim the Redneck, "Happy Hamsters in Hell"

"If you don't care where you are, you're not lost." -Mr. Apathy

"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure." -Steve Monak, on human psychology

"The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train." -A pessimist

"It'll feel good when it stops hurting." -Mr. Muelrath, English Teacher

"Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics." -Steve Monak, on human psychology

"You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it." -Earthworm Jim

"Everybody in the room was there." -A detective, "Midnight Marauder"

"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip." -A government official

"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way." -Huckleberry Fin

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." -An optimist

"Good judgement comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgement." -Steve Monak, on human psychology

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." -Brian W. Kernighan

"If you have to tell people you're famous - you aren't." -Jim Carrey, in an interview

"A marksman is one who shoots first, and whatever he hits, he calls the target." -Dafydd the Archer, "The Dragon Knight"

"The lack of money is the root of all evil." -Retracted version of old quote

"If something can go wrong, it will." -Herbert's Law

"The more you have to go to the bathroom, the further away it is." -Frank's Law

"It's always Nate's fault." -Josh's Law

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it." -Nate's Law

"If they do something odd, I do not know them." -Derek's Law

"If it blows up, I want it." -Garet's Law

"If you don't headbang, you lose half the fun of the concert." -Colin's Law

"The military always has more fancy toys than you know about." -Chris's Law

"If it's illegal and fun, I've done it." -Dweasel's Law

"If it contains fish, I've eaten it." -Dinghy's Law

"The way to a man's heart is through his fly." -A T-Shirt

"Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet." -A man with bad luck

"The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrongly, without commenting." -Albert Einstein

"Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver." -A married woman

"Infants speak many languages before they find one that grown-ups can understand." -Creator of "Baby Genius's"

"It's a fact that the people who snore the loudest will fall asleep first." -Derek, at a sleepover

"Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with." -Emma Frances

"Bare feet magnetize sharp objects so that they always point upward from the floor - especially in the dark." -Jeff Foxworthy, from a routine

"Even with a nightcap, a wolf looks nothing like a grandmother." -Mr. Reality

"Enjoy life . . . This is not a rehearsal." -Mr. Stadum, Drama Teacher

"Life IS pain . . . anyone who says differently is selling something." -Wesley, "The Princess Bride"

"Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls . . . if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee." -Alexander Graham Bell

"You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word." -Al Capone

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door." -Paul Beatty

"If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it." -A pessimist

"Crabs are basically just big insects." -Josh Hogstrom

"I hope we didn't have any homework, because I didn't do any." -Frank Dollar

*holds up 20 pieces of licorice and grins evilly* "It's gonna be a good day . . ." -Ashley Mills

"There's no such thing as a small whale!" -Josh, protesting a science video in class

"Thumper, let her go. Maybe he'll saw her in half." -Hopper, "A Bug's Life"

"So, let me get this straight. On the other end of this line, you're nekkid?" -Josh Hogstrom

"If you whine about it, it might feel better." -Samantha Boaz, in volleyball practice

"Sit down, shut up and smile." -Mrs. Brown

"If you are wondering what that last message was about, I will tell you I was sniffing an ink pen. Ooo, I can't talk right now, the ink is calling me." -Garet Marchington (Psycho the Rat)

"Bingo, all better. Everybody in love, or at least in bed." -Diana Tregarde, Romance Novel Writer

"Mm-hm. Fat lady. Gotcha." -Jeff Goldblum, "Independence Day"

"Consider it stepped on." -Kevin Bacon, "Tremors"

"Yay for pots." -Mara Barbee

"Wait, there is no lateral area of a sphere." -Michelle Hall, Geometry Genius

"Hey, that's nature. You don't like it, die." -Mr. Stadum, to Katie Peters

"If I put a bomb in the school, I'd put it in the meatloaf. I don't like meatloaf." -Maria Van Gelder

"Arcada is a nice place, as long as you don't meet anyone." -Frank Dollar

"Looks like you, only fuzzier." -Josh Hogstrom

"I leave things disconnected. It's my style." -Josh the Artist

"New, Rabid Barbie! Realistic Foaming Action!" -Ashley Mills, elaborating on Derek's last name

"Oatmeal Barbie, now you can eat her, too!" -Derek, elaborating on his last name

"That . . . was not in the script." -Mr. Stadum, Drama Teacher

"Maybe we should call each other once a week and rule his life." -Mrs. Peterson

"I'm not giving you any more class pencils for the test. You have stolen 138 from me this year. I had 144 when I started. Now I have 6." -Mr. Goodhart, Biology Teacher

"He doesn't trust you. He's smart." -Antanacio Chavez

"Spritegiveme! No . . ." -Darren Garner

"Thou canst not kill that wich doth not live. But you can blast it into chunky kibble!" -A Starcraft Player

"Sith? That's the title for a big ominous bad guy? Come on! It sounds like a dyslexic trying to curse!" -A Star Wars Fan

"The guard is dead. He tasted awful." -Brighttooth, "The Enemy of My Enemy"

"There's always a bigger fish." -Qui-Gon Jin, "Star Wars Episode I" (sorry if I misspelled his name)

"There is no such thing as evil, only misguided good." -The Archpriest, "Oathbound"

*singing* "Always look on the bright side of life . . ." -Guy from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"

"Let's try to look at this from a positive point of view. You piss me off." -Dweasel, "Dome Wars"

"Well, if you had been where I was aiming, it would have been I good shot." -Marchaka, "Dome Wars"

"Cupid's gonna kick Hitler's butt!" -Nziz, on Cyborg names

"Worship the floating skittles!" -Nziz, on Antigravity

"Screw your skittles." -Dweasel, on Nziz's ships (that looked like skittles)

*incredulously* "Drain the lizard?!?!? Oh, that has gotta be the WORST motto . . ." -Derek, on a Sobe Elixir commercial

"You can't go wrong with a band named fuzzbubble." -Ashley Mills

"Hi! Welcome to Hell, where you don't chew the gum, the gum chews you!" -A hamster taskmaster, "Happy Hamsters in Hell"

"Go jump a cactus." -Mercedes Lackey

"Don't argue with me. I'm right. Always." -Carli Kaufman

"The future just ain't what it used to be." -Green Day lyrics

Your freedom to swing your fist ends at my nose." -Mercedes Lackey on terrorism

"Honesty's a virtue that can hurt you." -Eve 6 lyrics

"It's sickening how comforting the privacy of the mind can be." -Eve 6 lyrics

"Gods, give me patience and give it to me NOW." -Diana Tregarde

"It's my wife's birthday. A friend told me to go get some slinky langerie for her. What is THAT? Underwear that walks down the stairs?" -Bill Engval

"The miracles of modern technology have brought us . . . the nerf bagel." -Derek

"In screenplays, you always need something that makes you laugh and something that blows up." -Michael Barbee, on writing a movie

"Let me get this straight. Dreyers beat Hagen-Das in a taste test because Dreyers is cheaper ? Oh, it 'tastes expensive.'" -Uncle Marc

"Happy Campers, go poop in their pampers, as the mountain, becomes a fountain . . ." -PUSA lyrics, "Volcano"

"That would have been a killer shot if it had made it over the net." -Derek, playing badminton

"Serving should not be the hardest part of the game." -Michael Barbee, playing badminton

"Burn in Heaven." -Sarah McLachlan lyrics

"It was an unidentified flying knicknack." -An announcer

"Dirty married bachelor!" -Toni, "The Cactus Flower"

"The cheese is not jalepeno cheese. The milk is not jalepeno milk." -Michael Barbee

"He dropped a few bricks. I'm sure he thought they were hints." -Mercedes Lackey

"He was about as subtle as a billboard." -Mercedes Lackey

"I'm getting another wisdom tooth. I'm smart, but I'm sore." -Derek

"I'm going to wake up precisely at 8:30 tomorrow. So's Mara, in the next room. I set my watch." -Derek

"Yes! Maturity comes through!" -Marc, running around waving his arms after winning a badminton match against Derek

"I think we both won the game. Only I had more points." -Marc, after a badminton game

"Ooh, something stinks. Where's that dog?" -Grandpa Del

"Stop sinning while I'm singing." -Robert Satan, "Futurama"

"Well, today was a complete waste of immortality." -Marlynn

"Irrevocable commitment to any religion is not only intellectual suicide; it is positive unfaith because it closes the mind to any new vision of the world. Faith is, above all, open-ness . . . an act of trust in the unseen." -Alan Watts, "The Book"

"Every time I'm alone I wonder why." -Brittany Spears lyrics

"Anything is better with mayonnaise." -Michael Barbee

"Cavemen are people, too!" -Derek

"Every day you're alive, you're risking your life. What does it matter where?" -Marlynn

"Yeah, Colin, I wet my shirt." -Derek

"You broke my sister!" -Robin Williams, "Toys"

"Everybody needs a good obsession. It keeps life interesting." -Marlynn

"No! My kidney stone!" -Josh Hogstrom

"If it says mini, that means it's not big." -Derek

"The more you live, the sooner you will die." -Smashmouth lyrics

"Everybody learns something about life after living that long; what they learn is different for everyone." -Marlynn, on immortals

"You know before there was Reynolds Wrap, before there was refrigerators, before there was freezers, before there was seasonings, a pork chop might kill ya. That's right, one chop. But times have changed. That's right. Now we got freezers, we got Saran Wraps, we got Reynolds Wraps, now a pork chop is your friend. That's right, if you're starving a pork chop will save your life. Hell, I'll eat a pig's butt if they cook it right." -Chris Rock

"When you think of severed heads, think of my face." -Kyyr, "TimeScape"

"Look at that! She's got cow eyes, I swear!" -Derek, watching the "Kiss Me" music video

"Isn't it a great color combination? I think I'll call it . . . 'Barf on a Bad Day.'" -Derek, looking down at his puece colored pants, bright blue shirt and army color shoes

"Got you searching for, the thin line between entertainment and war." -Rage Against the Machine lyrics

"All those british bands: Cake, Korn . . . hey, you know what Cake and Korn is back to back? Korncake!" -A Radio DJ

"Sharon, thank you for having a birthday and giving us an excuse to eat cake." -Aunt Kathy

"Nothing says 'I'm here to destroy you' like a dragon." -Theslin

"Good guys can do anything right." -Hawkeye, "M*A*S*H"

"I know! We could call it FEEB! Federation for the Extermination of Evil Ba . . . nah . . ." -Marthoi, "War in the City"

"You know, for a holy man, you got quite a knack for pissing people off." -Agent Mulder

"Too much food in America, man. We got so much food in America, we're allergic to food . . . allergic to food. Hungry people ain't allergic to sh*t. Do you think anybody in Ruwanda has got a freakin' lactose intolerance?" -Chris Rock

"Don't worry, you're expendable." -Id, "War in the City"

"Confuscious say never touch horny vampiress ball." -Brujah, "TimeScape"

"I'm nice for an axe murderer." -Mandy Lloyd

"I am NOT God. I am much cuter." -Mamoru, "TimeScape"

"There's no such thing as a shy water buffalo." -Marthoi, "War in the City"

"Glitches give it character." -Morpheus the programmer, "TimeScape"

"I can get a sugar rush off apples . . ." -Saimira, "TimeScape"

"I've changed. That's a good thing . . . I think . . ." -Nechlore Shade, "TimeScape"

"The Pfhor are slightly distracted. I've been introducing them to the magic of orbital bombardment." -Durandal, "Marathon 2"

"Let's hope this world's secrets are hidden in its bowels." -Durandal, "Marathon 2"

"Don't eat no red meat, no, don't eat no green meat, okay? What're you talking about? If you're one of the chosen few people on this earth that are lucky enough to get your hands on a steak, bite the sh*t out if it." -Chris Rock

"It is sometimes necessary to play the fool to avoid being decieved by cunning men." -La Rochefoucauld

"The first draught a man drinks should be for thirst. The second, for nourishment. The third, for pleasure. The fourth, for madness." -Creator of Alcoholics Annonymous

"Fools rush in, where angels dare to tread." -The Pope

"Man is the only creature endowed with the power of laughter; is he not the only one that deserves to be laughed at?" -Greville

"Boo me if ya want, you know I'm right!" -Chris Rock

"I had a storybook love once. Unfortunately, it was a Stephen King storybook." -J. C. Duffy

"I have been poked with a Timewarp Spork. I am unsure what that entails." -Kyyr, "TimeScape"

"If you dont believe in god, or the Devil, how do you explain Pauly Shore?" -Sachiko_Moon, "TimeScape"

"Medival cargo pants? You gotta be kidding." -Derek, being a guest on Twilight MUCK

"Another lesson learned and failed." -Green Day lyrics

"Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice." -Sidney Freedman, "M*A*S*H"

"Did you know that some of the chemicals in cigarettes are arsenic, hydrogen cyanide, a chemical they use to kill fleas and clean toilets? Not that you're interested." -Derek, to Brujah

"Jars of Clay, an old cd I found, its actully good, if you get past the whole 'blah blah blah jesus' parts..." *stops* "I wonder if I'm going to hell for saying that. Ah, well. All the fun people are in hell." -Brujah, "TimeScape"

"Capital M . . . P . . . ummm . . . capital 3 . . ." -Nate Klug

"Okay, I usually understand the fluttery language, but WHAT?" -Derek, to Drac

"They're HUGGING. Rappers don't DO that." -Mara

"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain." -Carol Leifer

"I am the essence of overconfidence! I am speculation, adventure; the spirit of pursuit; the stag howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution; the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life. I am appetite!" -Dweasel, quoting Hawkeye Pierce

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." -Johnny Carson

"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache." -Jack Mayberry

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." -Elayne Boosler

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" -John Mendoza

"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners." -Jeff Stilson

"Nine times out of ten a hero is someone who is tired enough, cold enough, and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn!" -Hawkeye Pierce, "M*A*S*H"

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." -Rita Mae Brown

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. -Jerry Seinfeld, "Seinfield"

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner." -Lynda Montgomery

"I just don't know why they're shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity. Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back. That's entertainment." -Hawkeye Pierce, "M*A*S*H"

"Are you eating breakfast cereal or is this just a bad telephone line?" -Klinger, "M*A*S*H"

"Program (Pro'-gram) n. A magic spell cast over a computer, causing it to turn one's input into error messages." -Bob's Big Book Of Computer Stuff

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." -Winston Churchill

"Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener. " -Brad Littlejohn

"Love, n.: 'Here's my heart, here's a sledgehammer ... go for it.'" -Michael Kellen

"If you're happy and you know it, clank your chains! " -Jakkon, "Undercover"

"Some people make things happen, some people watch things happen, and some people wonder, 'What happened?'" -Dweasel, "Uprise"

"When I look down, I miss all the good stuff. And when I look up, I just trip over things." -Ani DiFranco

"'Normal' is only a setting on your dryer." -Dweasel, "Uprise"

"To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up."

-Ogden Nash, "A Word to Husbands"

"Time to clean some house, be a man or a mouse, waste those who make it tough to get around. Put the tape on erase, rearrange your face, we always liked Picasso anyways." -DEVO lyrics

"On the eighth day God created cats and was promptly ignored." -From Dane-Dame@rocketmail.com 's .signature.

"Apathy will be the death of humanity, but who cares?" -Shetani, "TimeScape"

"Today, everybody is trying so hard to 'keep it real.' That puts me to sleep. I say, Let's keep it unreal. Powerman 5000: keepin' it unreal!" -Spider, powerman 5000

"I'm 3 feet tall and you're 12! That's like a Rottweiler doing a chihuahua!" -Dinghy, to Zerg_Queen

"I'm sexy. Shoot me." -Tera, "TimeScape"

"Don't encourage the furries, Derek." -Nechlore_Shade, "TimeScape"

"He only falls down ONCE, dammit!" -Zerg_Queen, "TimeScape"

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