Being a Boomer in good standing, I've come to realize that I must be officially ensconced in my "Midlife Crisis." I know this because I seem to be suffering from the usual symptoms. These include graying hair, changing skin tone, shortening sleep cycles, increased dental problems, far-sightedness, and various quirks and idiosyncrasies that heretofore were absent in an otherwise well tuned machine of a body. But it is not the physical problems and foibles that particularly bother me. These are to be expected. No, what bothers me are the irritations, insults, inconsistencies, and impositions foisted upon me by the culture and the media.

I think I first started to notice the onslaught with the appearance of ads on television for products directed towards men that promised to cover graying hair and beards. Then came an array of laxatives, denture cleansers, orthopedic beds, shoe inserts, rejuvenating beverages, and absorbent underwear. But these have been around for some time now. To really get a view of how mass merchandising is trying to capitalize on the graying Boomers, one only need visit the local giant membership warehouse outlet.

The first tip that Boomer Gray was being targeted came from the selection of jeans. The store brand seemed to only come in the "loose fit" variety. Walking shorts came equipped with elastic tops and golf shirts were prominently featured. I could not help but laugh a bit ashamedly when I noticed that a featured line of women's dress-for-success wear was labeled "Sag Harbor." Now that is too cruel, but it's only the beginning.

Walking the aisles you will see endless displays of herbal concoctions promising renewed vigor, calm nerves, positive outlooks, and crystal clear recollections. You will also see reading glasses sold in three-packs. Then come the electronic blood-glucose detectors, body fat detectors, and most recently, a complete line of do-it-yourself blood pressure monitors for home use! Scariest of all is the endless array of oral hygiene appliances. These employ sound wave bombardment, hyper-vibration, mechanical flossing, and water jets. Do I really need all this stuff or are the shelves trying to tell me that we will all inevitably surrender our youth to the mass marketers and the health insurance industry?

I think the marketers have it all wrong. Their perspectives are too short-term oriented. Instead of trying to separate the Boomers from their bank accounts with images of insecurity and disability, the real road to success is to glorify the fifty plus crowd. Marketing Boomers as valuable assets, dependable employees, experienced resources, and desired examples, is the way to route economic reward to this target group of consumers. This in turn should facilitate demand for Boomer targeted goods and services over the long-term. OK, Madison Avenue, I've put you on the road to Boomer marketing Valhalla, now click on my by-line and I'll let you know where to send my consultation fee.