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"I have a very computer-literate friend who knows how to program and is afraid of internet fraud and hackers. He set his computer so whenever Netscape pops up a window asking if he wants to accept a cookie, it plays a sound file from Limp Bizkit's 'Nookie.' (I did it all for the nookie, so you can take that cookie, and stick it up your yeah!)" -Derek

"If I had a gun in the first grade, I probably would have gotten the crap beaten out of me." -Frank, commenting on Derek's Writing on School Violence

"Drunk driving is what I like to do, I like drunk driving with you." -Sublime lyrics, "Drunk Driving" (Taken from Rock Wisdom

"Adult, noun: A person who has stopped growing, except in the middle." -The Cynic's Dictionary

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." -Phyllis Diller

"We recorded a song called "Bad Day" for the last record and that's been in our repertoire forever. The label pretty much put a gun to our head and said, 'That song is going on the record.'" -Carl Bell, from Fuel

"I'm so sick and tired of being admired, that I wish that I would just die or get fired." -Eminem lyrics, "The Way I Am"

"Welcome to the Dimension of Pain . . ." -A Demon, "Sluggy Freelance"

"Thanks! Can I use your restroom?" -Torg, "Sluggy Freelance"

"Nope." -A Demon, "Sluggy Freelance"

"I can't tell if that guy looks more like Satan or a Backstreet Boy." -Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show"

"It's bad if you find bloodstains on your karate clothes. It's really bad if you don't know who's blood it is." -Josh

"Don't you guys think that Courtney Love will be rather hurt when she sees this video?" -Kurt Loder, to Marilyn Manson and Trent Reznor (about the Starsuckers Music Video)

"I certainly hope so." -Marilyn Manson

"If you only knew the power of the technovulture . . ." -Bob, werevulture

"Sorry, Mate! But when most of your head's a big eyeball, you'd expect an eye-poke now and then." -Steve, "Sluggy Freelance"

"Isn't the world ugly enough the way it is? Put some clothes on, Roger!" -Mike, "College Roomies From Hell"

"You're a freak, honey." -Briana, to her boyfriend

". . . and it's a sort of . . . um . . . who am I talking to now?" -Derek, on the phone

"Me." -Briana's boyfriend, on the phone

"Oh. Okay." -Derek, on the phone

*calls to Briana in a different room* "Hey, he laughs cool. He sounds like me." -Briana's boyfriend, on the phone

"Hell, yeah. People with funny laughs, unite." -Derek, on the phone

"Well . . . not everyone can be cheery and happy all the time . . . sometimes it's really good just to spit in someone's eye." -MAui, "Tapestries"

"I've been meeting a lot of people from Canada lately. I don't know why." -Dweasel, "Tapestries"

"Heh he. We're taking over." -MAui, "Tapestries"

*screams but then stops and considers* "Oh, well. I've always wanted to learn French." -Dweasel, "Tapestries"

"I was a mink, before it was cool." -Dietrich's button, "Tapestries"

"Give me a hug, I'm contagious!" -Josh

"You are so less attractive when I'm sober." -Anna, "The Money Pit"

"Thank goodness it's not that often." -Walter, "The Money Pit"

"Yeah, last night I was at work at the pool. The snack shack was locked, and they didn't give us the key. I guess they don't trust us. So we had to break in." -Chris

"Vote for the woman with angels coming out of her ears, vote Serra in 2000." -Magic: the Gathering Elections 2000

"You want to vote for Phyrexians? Just go visit their plane! Like they're gonna bring prosperity to the States. They don't even know what a hamburger is!" -Magic: the Gathering Elections 2000

"Vote for Volrath (But who cares, I'm rigging it right now!!!)" -Magic: the Gathering Elections 2000

"With Yawgmoth, you know exactly what you're getting in your candidate: cybernetic implants and brand new spines for everyone. " -Magic: the Gathering Elections 2000

"My cousin, the camel anti-christ." -Derek, at Thanksgiving

"And the movie totally didn't make sense. Gavvin and I look at each other and say: 'We're gonna have to see this sober.'" -Briana

"Stupid Nate. Gave me Broccoli Disease." -Colin

"That's Bronchitis." -Derek

"Given the true intellecual and emotional compatibility are at the very least difficult, if not impossible to come by. We could always opt for the more temporal gratification: sheer physical attraction. That wouldn't make you a shallow person . . . would it?" -Lyle Lovett Lyrics

"Frank! Do you realize that you, me and Aaron are here at this party with around ten girls?" -Derek, at Carli's party

"Whoa! Hey, Carli! Can we play Twister?" -Frank, at Carli's Party

"What is the chief end of man? To get rich. In what way? Dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must." -Mark Twain

"Hey! Do you have an Invisible Purse also?" -Xylis, "Tapestries"

"Now there's a question you don't hear every day." -Dweasel, "Tapestries"

"Oh, yes. Wonderfully handy little thing." -Lyssl, "Tapestries"

". . . when you can find it." -Dweasel, "Tapestries"

"Don't call me Grandpa, dammit! I'll choke you with your spleen!" -Erik Allo

"Thank you, Satan." -Tan, "DominiaMUD"

"You're welcome." -Falyxron,"DominiaMUD"

"They unanimously agree they're dying. That's good." -Carson Daly, "TRL"

"Now, I don't know what the butt that means, but extraneous commentary by cartoonists should include at least one quote from a philosopher." -Tatsuya Ishida

"I'm a deeply spiritual bad***. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go save the universe and conquer some supermodels. " -Tatsuya Ishida

"Teeter-tottering between brilliance and insanity . . ." -Bloodhound Gang lyrics, "The Inevitable Return of the Great White Dope"

"Little Known Fact #4: Sock puppets CAN be inhaled. I am not responsible for this. I'm not. Really." -Lyosha

"So here's Erin. She's and awesome guitar player. Sorta like my dad, only she's a girl." -Twap

"Ok well this is me! Wow! Ooooo Ahhhhhh! I'm pretty much just your everyday 19-year-old. I've got blue eyes, blond hair. I'm 5'10", and so thin that there must be a whole family of sticks in my family tree somewhere. " -An artist on Yerf

"K'z'k is the main bad-guy in not one, but TWO story arcs. K'Z'K made the world tremble before him. Now he's back, and he's well . . . a bug. BUT, he's an evil, evil, nasty, bad, scary, bug. But he's NOT a dead bug. Yet." -Pete, cartoonist

"The only thing preventing her from breaking into stardom is the fact that she's DEAD." -Pete, cartoonist

"Here to sing a song older than she is . . . it's Britney Spears." -VMA Announcer

"The quiet ones are the ones who change the universe. The loud ones just take the credit." -Emperor Lando Mollari, "Babylon 5"

"The world isn't any worse than it ever was. It's just that the news coverage is better." -A realist

"Get your own MTV.com E-Mail Address! Nothing says "hip" like an MTV.com e-mail address. Now YOU can be one of the cool kids!" -An actual serious ad on MTV.com

"Oooooo optimism is my friend . . . hehe." -Another artist on Yerf

"Well . . . uh . . . you fight like a cow!" -Biyomon, "TimeScape"

"Well, slap a rubber girdle on granny and spank her sideways, cuz I am shocked." -Squee Rat

"I'm gonna remember that next time ya try and 'jack my Nintendo." -Reagan

"Fortune Cookies are like Edible Astronomy . . ." -Derek

"What good is a really bad reputation if no one knows about it?" -Kelly, "Weekend at Kelly's"

"Dude! You just made me turn that guy into a smurf!" -Riff, "Sluggy Freelance"

"We don't have 911 around here... you'll have to choose to recover." -Kavi, "Tapestries"

"This hat cost me a finger, and I'll stuff this oar down your throat and paddle your *** from the inside if you try and take it." -Luther, "Sluggy Freelance"

"Dude, you woke up his sleeping beef." -A Magic: the Gathering player

"Today's date is 9\9\99. They say that this might cause software problems. The Y2K bug calls this day 'Mini Me'." -A person on Yerf

"Here I be. The real undertow. Laugh, cry, vomit, whatever floats your boat. I dun care." -undertow

"There was a petition this week to make the mosquito Louisiana's state bird." -A News Station

"Good friends know about your love life. Really good friends could blackmail you with it." -Zalandris

"The worst thing in the world would be to wake up and find that you were the person you hate most on the earth and that you had VD." -Unknown

"Whenever I am asked what kind of writing is the most lucrative, I have to say ransom notes." -Literary agent H.N. Swanson

"Remove head from sphincter, then drive!" -Katarina Stratford, "10 Things I Hate About You"

"Bram Stoker's Dracula--the novel, not the movies--has always struck me as the penultimate love story: boy meets girl, boy eats girl, boy gets lumber shoved through his chest cavity by girl's friends." -A Critic

"I'm old? Why you little whipper-snapper, I can take you with one denture behind my back!" -Shayne

"Why won't you come to the dance?" -Jeanette

"Eh. Formal dances just really aren't my thing. I don't usually go to --" -Derek

*interrupts* "If you come, I'll dance with you." -Jeanette

*opens his mouth, and then shuts it* "Well . . ." -Derek

"Ha! I knew that'd get you to think about it!" -Jeanette

*glowers* "That was a cheap shot." -Derek

*stares blankly at him* "The more and more you talk, the less and less I find myself caring." -Derek, to Ashley

"No, I'm not all right! I'm old! I'm too young to be old!" -David

"You will perish like all those before you. Your time will come. Pray that it does not come soon!" -Zombie of an Osai Vulture, "DominiaMUD"

*says bluntly* "I don't pray. I'm an athiest." -Falyxron, "DominiaMUD"

"Quiet! You'll ruin the whole 'Prophet' thing!" -Zombie of an Osai Vulture, "DominiaMUD"

*points at the TV* "I used to stalk this girl. Oh, and don't you hate it when you're stalking somebody, and they change their phone number on ya? You call up one day and are like: 'Oo, maybe I need to quit this.'" -Chris Rock

"Rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard was arrested this week. How many times have I said that one? Maybe we should just keep this que card." -Newscaster from SNL

"How about some rear defenses, Squee?" -Gerrard, "Planeshift"

"You think dis easy, yeah? You think just 'cause Squee save your butt hundred thousand million times before, he save you now?" -Squee, "Planeshift"

"Yes, Squee! Exactly! The tail gunner's job is to save our butts!" *shuts his mouth and watches as Squee blows up an enemy ship* "Nice shooting, Squee." -Gerrard, "Planeshift"

"Dat's another two hundred butts you owe Squee." -Squee, "Planeshift"

"The goblins are in charge of maintenance? Why not just set it on fire now and call it a day?" -Whip Tongue, Viashino Technician

"Bob Dylan, who has released over 43 albums, and has written over 500 songs, and is still on the road today." -Jennifer Lopez, on the Academy Awards

"I want to be like that, someday." -Derek, watching the TV

"You just don't want to look like him." -Dad, watching the TV

"Well, I'm a ghost. Go ahead and pinch me: I'm real." -KnightMyst, "Tapestries"

"4 out of the 5 voices in my head tell me: 'Eat the chocolate.'" -Listy, "DominiaMUD"

"They actually make cheese from sheep's milk?" -Mara

"Sheep have udders?" -Derek

"Most mammals do." -Mara

"Sheep have furry ones." -Dad

"That's disgusting." -Mara

"Farmers who milk sheep don't have to wear gloves to keep their hands warm." -Dad

"I am Pez, dispenser of Truth, Justice and Sweet Candy." -Pez, "DominiaMUD"

"I'd like the class's attention for a moment. Last Wednesday, several of you did something you were not supposed to, which may have serious consequences. I'd first like to give the people a chance to admit their guilt before I have to act on it." -Mr. Flor, at Cisco

*jokingly raises his hand* "Umm . . . I ate some of your cookies that were hiding over there in the corner of the room." -Derek, at Cisco

*stares blankly at him* "Those were over there because they had ants all over them." -Mr. Flor, at Cisco

*blinks, then shrugs* "Oh. Well. They tasted alright to me." -Derek, at Cisco

"The King of the Potato people, previously your ruler, is now a sizzling plate of hash browns." -A news update, "DominiaMUD"

"You've been talking in your sleep again, honey. Who's Al?" -A guy on a commercial

"Our financer." -A lady on a commercial

"Not any more." -A guy on a commercial

"Your sister either needs to be better informed, or sedated." -Derek, to Mandy

"Happy Easter, everyone! Or, for those who don't celebrate it, Happy April 15th!" -Pete

"Shadow, half your team just mugged me outside your base." -Jingles!, playing Unreal Tournament

*watches as they all die and respawn* "Unfortunately for my team . . ." -Shadow, playing Unreal Tournament

"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant." -Kiana, "TimeScape"

"Sort of a grovelling, whining, worm style of thing." -Deathblade, about Hood, "DominiaMUD"

"Where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket?" -Stray, "DominiaMUD"

"Exploding slugs in my lyrical 12 gauge of love . . ." -Rich, in a poem

"Ugh. I need coffee. But I don't like coffee." -Rousdower, "DominiaMUD"

"Aren't warcries supposed to make people cower in fear of their enemies or be afraid of them? Yet in battle they look like some crazy mofo running around screaming like a banshee?" -Demacles, "DominiaMUD"

"Crap, man. You have a tattoo and you don't even know how to spell it?" -Falyxron, "DominiaMUD"

"From which side of the family do you get your contempt for humanity?" -Cinder, "DominiaMUD"

*points* "Um . . . that side?" -Sargoth, "DominiaMUD"

"See, you have dinner at a pretty much set time. I have dinner whenever they feed me." -Ashley

"Be creative: invent a perversion." -Billy, "DominiaMUD"

"My dislikes are Boy Bands, Small Children, Hospitals, and Gangsta Rap." -DarkKitten

"Farewell to all . . . and to all a low bus fare." -Nigel, "DominiaMUD"

"I just keep on running faster, chasing the happily ever after . . ." -Lyle Lovett lyrics, "Her First Mistake"

"When life gives you lemons, chuck 'em at someone. It'll make you feel better." -Absence, "DominiaMUD"

"Relationship is a four letter word, three times over." -Michael Jantze

"I go to school with some of the most apathetic people in the world." -Kori

"Reggae's cool, but it kinda pisses me off. Every song is either about weed or God. I've never been a really big fan of either." -Ashley, at the Reggae Festival

"Maybe it's like moving to Canada. Something you can choose to do, and appeals to everyone, but only a select few are dumb enough to actually do it." -Firestorm, "DominiaMUD"

"No, I'm not that sort of person. When I'm not invited to a party, I don't go." -Mel

*chuckles* "Yeah, and when you are invited to a party, we don't go." -Darren

"It's a bad sign if villains don't die when you kill them." -Badger, "Johan"

"Some day we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject." -Billy, "DominiaMUD"

"Here's another classic. What would you do if you had one hour left to live?" -Calen, reading from the book of questions

*immediately* "You don't wanna know." -Derek

"How can you thank a man for giving you what's already yours?" -Malcolm X, "The Ballot or the Bullet" speech

*feels arms wrap around him suddenly from behind* "Umm . . . Lacy, right?" -Derek, at a party

"Ooo! How'd you know it was me?" -Lacy, at a party

"You're one of the few people here that actually smell good." -Derek, at a party

"Show of hands, how many vegetarians we got here?" *looks around* "What's the matter? Don't got the strength to lift your hands?" -JJ

"You can make your future anything you want it to be. The world is your oyster." -Sharon

*bluntly* "I don't like oysters." -Derek

"Um. Okay. What would you like the world to be?" -Sharon

*thinks about it* "A hot dog. I like hot dogs." -Derek

"Okay, then. The world is your hot dog." -Sharon

"Macho people should all go out to some remote spot in the desert and kill each other." -Derek

"[This picture is a] Christmas present for my brother; it's one of his characters, Falyxron. I'm pretty sure he got that name by placing his head on the keyboard and rolling it side-to-side." -Mara

"I've got so much makeup on right now that I look like a man in drag." -Kristen Dunst

"Hey, what's up? This is Fred Durst of Limp BIzkit, the worst band on the planet." -Fred Durst, on Live 105

"That's the nicest thing that a beer-induced hallucination has ever said to me. Let us be chums." -Rocko, "The Undergrads"

"Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work." -Al Capp

"Unauthorized redistribution of this image would be both undesirable and unwise. Please do not force me to excercise my legal right to have your *** kicked." -A copyright on a picture by J. Willard

"It was one of those classic stories, y'know. Boy meets me, boy becomes infatuated with me, boy realizes I take up space, boy runs like hell." -HardcoreKitty

"What does it mean when a girl wants you to go meet her in Berkely?" -Ashley

"Good things, my friend. Good things." -Derek

"Who wants to play a game that involves running around with lawn chairs in the middle of the night?" -Brog

"You would throw up if you saw me nude." -Howard Stern

"A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful." -Kaul Kraus

"I think I totally missed the point of that This Is Your Brain On Drugs commercial. I was just turned on by the sight of a beautiful girl in a tank top, smashing things in a kitchen with a frying pan." -Ace Williams

"Every 'why' question can be answered by a phrase using the word 'idiot'." -Psydereal

"Forks are the adolescent stage between teaspoons and tablespoons. -Oakling

"Did anybody else go to Europe this summer?" -Mr. Flor, at Cisco

"Yeah, I did. My family I went to Ireland, but we left when things started blowing up." -Keenan, at Cisco

"If a celebrity has a nervous breakdown in the woods and no one is around, would it still make headlines?" -Tatsuya Ishida, about Mariah Carey

"Yeah, I can't swim. I'm afraid of water." -Chris Faurot

"Dude, you're a lifeguard!" -A coworker

"If it comes back, we'll hit it again." -Jason's Law

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them . . . well, I have others." -Groucho Marx

"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better . . . while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more." -Woody Allen

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." -Fred Allen

"A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing." -Joey Adams

"In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that, in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning." -A research specialist

"First I was sad, now I'm angry. Whoever you are, wherever you are, you'd better pray to whatever god you believe in that we never find you." -Silas Zee, on the destruction of the WTC

"Hmm . . . I'm noticing a direct connection between the lowness of my shirt top and the friendliness of the people around me . . ." -Erika

"Never let a sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing." -Isaac Asimov

"Hey, you sizzling piece-o-mansteak, wanna go out with me to a movie on Saturday night?" -Arlo, on asking a guy out

"My roommate is a cool guy (except sometimes when he's drunk - then I want to perform medical experiments on him)." -Dragoon

"It is as it seems
as it seems not to be
not to be as it seems
for that's all it may be" -Chelsea Whittaker, "Two Faced Coin"

"The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced." -Vic Gold

"In summary, I'm this odd chick named Steph who's orignally from Minooka, IL and likes to call herself a furry artist, an aspiring graphic artist, a raver, a tomboy, a bisexual, a feline, and a bunch of other things simply for the convenience of being labelled. I'm generally friendly, open-minded, and somewhere between introverted and extroverted, I like to have fun above everything, and I occasionally have strange mood swings that scare my friends away. *pauses* So, like... hi." -Jaguarundi's Bio

"What is snoring? Medically, it is when air has trouble getting past the uvula, which is a part of your body that sounds like a dirty word but is actually not." -Dave Barry

"The sun can break darkness
But darkness can't break light" -Alias, "Darkness Scattered"

"Okay, now tilt your head just a bit to the left . . . open your mouth a little more . . . so, do you have a boyfriend?" -A Dentist

"El Nino. That's espanol for... 'The Nino.'" -Erika, on Spanish

"I would kill to have a guy like you." -Wendy

*blinks* "I'm incredibly flattered. I am also incredibly frightened." -Derek

"I'm so lonely that I don't even want to be with myself anymore." -Dido lyrics

"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are the only person I know that flushes the toilet and laughs." -Derek, to Sharon

"Sometimes I get distracted by the beauty of Sonja's face when I'm zoomed in to snipe. This can be a fatal hormonal error." -SmilingNali, playing Unreal Tournament

"Since when do you have time to play video games?" -Bun-Bun, "Sluggy Freelance"

"My girlfriend is chemically paralyzed." -Torg, "Sluggy Freelance"

"The only natural resources in Russia are ice and vodka." -Scott, at Cisco

"This a note to the people who vandalized my car: Y'know . . . my car is over 12 years old now. Smashing its windshield was like beating up an old lady. Sheesh." -Josh (a different one)

"Whoever invented fair fighting did not know how to fight." -nds

"Tarra we love you, even though we don't really know why." -Amugaba, "DominiaMUD"

"Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader." -Christopher Titus

"It's always a terrible thing when you have to kill a friend or a relative, because they're the devil." -Steven Wright

"Things will get better, or so I've been told." -Wendy

"I don't think you did a bad thing. It might have been good for you. Gave you a new angle on things." -Allison

"I have gotten so many new angles in the past five months that I'm starting to look like a Picasso painting." -Derek

"From now to infinity, let icons be bygones . . ." -Linkin Park lyrics, "High Voltage"

"What? You can't do that! Don't even think about it! I know where you live, I'm there!" -Allison, at Carli's house

"It amuses me that men with orders to shoot people can be called a 'peace-keeping' force." -Derek, watching the news

"If you don't want to be criticized, don't do anything, be anything, or say anything." -A poster

"So how can we convince Sara's Mom to let her stay the night with the rest of us?" -Derek

"Hm. Tell her that there will be adults there? My mom or my dad?" -Nate

"Eh. I don't think that'll cut it. Her mom still doesn't know you or your parents." -Derek

"Ummmm . . . tell her I'm a Christian!" -Nate

"Dude, you're a dirty Christian." -Derek

"So?" -Nate

"Woman and God are intoxicants enough without the hard stuff. Of course, Woman and God are usually the reason we resort to the hard stuff." -Tatsuya Ishida

"Do something for the camera. Anything, come on. Ah! Not that, you crazy ***hole!" -Derek

"You idiots! Never listen to me while I'm ranting!" -SailorWolf02

"You drive hella slow." -Jason

"I drive the speed limit." -Derek

"Aren't there laws against that?" -Jason

"You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who made people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea." -Jack Handey

"The principles of nuclear weapon safety and meeting girls are remarkably similar." -codic

"Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99% of them are wrong." -H. L. Mencken

"Y'know, this 'morality' crap of yours is nothing more than sexual repression." -A demon, "MegaTokyo"

"Once again, we apologize. We'd fire him, but he's not being paid in the first place." -The Management, "Exploitation Now"

"It's your fault,
and it's my fault that it's yours." -Sara Wright, "Hate"

*looks at the headline* "'Catholic Camp Faces Sex Allegations' . . . oh, great. It's American Pie 3." *grins widely and speaks in a high voice* "And one time, at Catholic Camp . . ." -Derek, reading the news

"There was an instant attraction between us, but I'm sure my parents didn't realize it. They were real old. Probably in their 30's. Maybe even in their early 40's. Pretty close to comatose, as any teenager can tell you." -M1KE HUNT

"I know why you called. I can smell guilt all the way over the phone." -Sara

"Dammit. Stop being so negative in a positive way." -Sara

"When it comes to sin, you gotta hand it to the French. They invented French Kissing." -Fade To Black Interviewer

"When you're seventy and you get up in the morning and don't feel any pain - you're dead." -A line from a screenplay that was cut

"It's really hard to believe someone still loves you and has only the best of intentions through the thick slab of punishment." -Sara

"Is 'It can always get worse' an optimistic or a pessimistic statement?" -Derek

"You learn a lot of things when you live with a woman. Did you guys know that pictures go in frames?" -Adam Ferrera

"Have you checked out the website "Something Awful?" If you haven't, you should have. Shame on you. Go sit in the corner and cry." -Scorp, WARBUCKET Forums

"I watched "A Walk To Remember" last night. Don't tell anyone, but I really liked it." -*name kept private at request*

"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy." -Jack Handey

"The city school around here has all their normal buses tinted. They are all dark, dark black. What does this say of the school?" -lutar, WARBUCKET Forums

"I dunno. City kids are ugly?" -Phalanx, WARBUCKET Forums

"I must find a job for summer. I cannot go and find a beach and become a life guard like you Americans or whatever." -gambitt, WARBUCKET Forums

*looks into the bedroom where Josh and Calen are sleeping* "Good god. Hanky panky." -Luke

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." -Jack Handey

"I'm highly educated in bad english." -fr0stbIte, WARBUCKET Forums

"Lazy people unite! Nevermind, I don't wanna get up." -unknown., WARBUCKET Forums

"Try not to obsess." -Calen

"Can't I just concentrate really hard?" -Derek

"I will slap the 'h' and the 'e' off your keyboard so you cannot 'hehe' me." -Prae, WARBUCKET Chat

"How can somebody be so busy and so lazy at the same time?" -SpudMuffin, WARBUCKET Forums

"Scars are souvenirs we never lose." -Goo Goo Dolls lyrics, "Name"

"Vanilla Ice has now penetrated two of the threads on this forum. Folks, that is one of the signs of the Apocalypse..." -Scorp, moderator for WARBUCKET Forums

"You can run all your life but not go anywhere." -Social Distortion lyrics, "Ball and Chain"

"Shrink that avatar before Teekay and Scorp gangrape your parakeet." -thomasbchillin, WARBUCKET Forums

"Welcome to Banned. Population: you." -Redcloak, Forum Administrator

"I used to love being subtle. Then I realized that nobody knew what the hell I was talking about, so I stopped." -Derek

"Scorp, how can you be such a good MS paint artist, Scorpitis victim, be funny, AND maintain a cynical attitude through it all?? You are truly gifted, like my ability to talk to poo." -Hobo[SA], WARBUCKET Forums

"You're funny. You're going to hell." -Elizabeth, to Patricia

"At my school every year the guys keep getting smaller and looking younger, and all the chicks are looking older and older. Why is this? I mean seriously... there was this freshmen dude that I could seriously stand like 5 ft behind him and still piss over his head. I feel sorry for the lil dude. I mean he has to practically jump up just so he can piss in the small urinal." -DARKATOM, WARBUCKET Forums

"I believe more people would be alive today if there was a death penalty." -Nancy Reagan

"I disagree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right to say it." -Voltaire

"All I want to do is reading poetry from the middle of a burning building." -The author of Mein Kampf

"When you don't stand so tall, it hurts less when you fall." -Jim Bianco lyrics, "Two Birds"

"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, 'What was that?!?'" -Jack Handey

"Way to go! You're a model citizen and a nasty bastard!" -Scorp, WARBUCKET Forums

"The only people to face reality are those too stupid to duck when they see it coming." -Webmaster of the Gender-Free Zone

"We use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well. 'Poly,' in Latin, means 'many.' 'Ticks' means bloodsucking creatures." -A cynicist

"There's something about cartoon chicks that turns me off. Oh, thats right...they aren't real." -AtmaVVeapon, WARBUCKET Forums

"What'd you get for your birthday, Torrin?" -Muneeb

"A box cutter and a plane ticket." -Torrin

"While you were laughing, seven babies were eaten by dingoes." -_mrX_, WARBUCKET Forums

"In terms of styling, the Humvee is as masculine as a vehicle can get without actually growing hair in its wheel wells. It's a big, boxy thing with giant tires and many studly mechanical protuberances. It looks like something you'd buy as part of a toy action-figure set called "Sergeant Bart Groin and His Pain Platoon." -Dave Barry

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